


What We'd Do Without Gravity

by cocacola_lite



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Bucket List, Character Death, Cuddles, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Gay Love, Gay Sex, Health Deterioration, Hospitals, M/M, Mentions of Prussia/Canada, Romance, Slow Build, Smut, Terminal Illnesses, The title has meaning I swear, These tags are so jumbled, This is also on ff.net, Tragedy, long fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-10
Updated: 2015-10-13
Packaged: 2018-04-08 15:20:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 39,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4310271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cocacola_lite/pseuds/cocacola_lite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How can a friendship blossom when the end is already in sight?</p>
<p>While lost in a hospital Antonio comes across young, terminally ill patient, Lovino Vargas. With Lovino left only six months to live it's an awful time a romance to blossom between the ill fated pair, but with a bucket list to race through as the clock ticks down, the two find that love is very hard to avoid.</p>
<p>Is it really better to have loved and lost?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Six Months

**Author's Note:**

> HI HI HI HI
> 
> Welcome to the first fic I upload to AO3! I'm cocacola lite but you can find me under the name of Mushrooms of Gold on FF.net. 
> 
> This isn't my first fic but is my first time writing this pairing so wish me luck! I'm planning to update this on Fridays, but the day might change, promise I'll update weekly though!
> 
> I'm gonna stop rambling so thanks for reading and enjoy!

So, it turned out that wheelchairs didn't roll around quite as easily as office chairs!

Really, I should have expected this. Wheelchairs don't go very fast when you want to ride it down a long empty hallway, the wheels are actually quite stiff. Stiffer than I ever expected.

It had been a long day, first work all day long and then I managed to get lost in this place... I had never been good with directions and this hospital was like a maze! It was impressive how huge it was, I had been wandering for at least ten minutes and still hadn't been in the same place twice. I hadn't even changed floor! So when I found a wheelchair at the end of one hallway it was the most exciting thing all day! It was really a dream come true, nothing could have prepared me for it. There weren't even any doctors or nurses in sight. Of course it was the perfect opportunity to have some fun! I had even ran over to grab it and sit down, hoping to zoom down the hall on it. Sadly, that just didn't happen. I was heaving myself along, past all the rooms, trying to finish what I started...

I had to admit, wheelchairs were harder than they looked to move around on... Especially when you wanted to go fast.

"Nyoom..." I murmured under my breath. No nyoom for me, not today.

But I struggled along, I couldn't let my excitement I had when I saw this thing go to waste, ever if it did mean a lot of pushing out with my legs. I was even breaking a sweat... Yikes. Heave... Heave... I was almost half way!

Suddenly, before I could reach that crucial halfway point, a young sounding voice came from one of the rooms, "The hell are you tryna do? Idiot, you look constipated."

Surprise caught in my throat and I stood, suddenly, looking around. All the rooms were dark, who said that? Was it a ghost?

I still laughed at his remark, even if he really was ghost-he was sounded a little grouchy; "You know, these things don't go as fast as you might think!"

There!

Even though I was looking for him, I was surprised when I suddenly noticed the voices owner... All alone sitting one of the beds, his room dark except for the pulled back curtains that let city light in, was a silhouetted figure.

He was slumped over, sat upright in bed, his bed head so wild that it could be seen as part of his outline and he was sort of tiny in figure... He wasn't exactly short but he was still small. Except his big mouth which loudly called over, "What? Of course they go slow! Are paraplegics just supposed to roll around at top speeds and get themselves killed? Pft. No."

I blinked once, my lips parted, "Yes..." I slowly nodded, he was right.

I could feel the figures confusion all the way over here, "Y-You do want them to die?"

My eyes widened and I quickly realised how what I said sounded, "No!" I tried to recover, "I just mean you're right! They shouldn't go fast!"

Silence... Oh no. Had I freaked him out?

"Pssht!" I was almost startled as suddenly he came out with a half laugh, "Idiot!"

I smiled; thank goodness I was understood... I hesitated and left the wheelchair to step into his room,

"What are you doing?" The stranger barked the moment I was over the threshold.

"Mm?" I wandered in further, "I'm coming closer so that our calling doesn't disturb the other patients." I looked around the darkened hospital room, "Isn't it pretty dark? I'll turn the light on..." I offered, fumbling for a lamp.

My hand went to his bedside stand but he was immediately thwacking my hand away, "Don't turn them on!" He covered the general area of the switch with an out stretched hand, "Quit it!"

I withdrew, blinking in confusion, "You don't want some light?" I looked to his shadowy face, "But I can hardly see..."

He huffed, wriggling down under his blankets, "So what the hell are you doing here anyway? You realise visitors shouldn't be around right now. Why the hell do you think the lights are off? No one's meant to see me, fuck."

I raised my brow at his language but was also caught off guard by the boy's question, "Me?" I looked around the room. I had been too busy engaging in conversation to think about my current situation, "I'm lost!" I smiled cheerily, "I just came from an appointment. I was getting antibiotics for my urinary tract infection." I smiled, "It's pretty much gone now, it really hurt to pee!"

Before I could go into detail a pillow was thrown at me, "Shut the fuck up! I don't care about your damn UTI!" Another loud huff and he turned over, lying on his pillow less mattress, curled up away from me, "How old are you anyway? Those things are for old men."

I laughed, "Well it looks like I'm old enough! The nurse did say it was rare for my age... But there was really no doubt about it! It was my urinary tract!" I grinned, now sitting on the end of his bed, "Did you know, that they only happen to around 3 in 100 men over the age of 60? That's three percent! The nurse told me that today when I asked. She was really nice, she's getting married next month, her ring was gorgeous!"

As much I wanted to carry on I was interrupted, "Do you ever shut up!? I don't care!" The boy... I think he was no more than a boy, maybe 17, pulled his blankets right over the top of his head and let silence reign again.

I looked to the pillow in my lap, he never took it back after throwing it at me... "Would you like a pillow there?"

There was a long pause and then some shuffling and I smiled when I saw an arm pop out from under the duvet, "Give it." He said sharply. I placed it in his open hand and couldn't suppress a chuckle as it was pulled in and disappeared back under with the hand.

There was more silence, but this one was more comfortable. I didn't really like silences, but I'm not sure... Something told me that this guy wasn't a fan of too much talking. I watched the lump under the covers intently, I wondered if he was getting a little warm in there...

Eventually, before I could get too tempted, he broke the silence, "Why are you still sitting there?" I frowned. I supposed I really didn't have any particular reason to...

"You seem nice." Is what I came out with.

"Ha. That's bad news." He retorted.

I placed my hands on my knees and leaned forward quizzically, "You're acting pretty angry."

Obviously my statement seemed to inspire something because the lump of blankets shifted and the human in them emerged, his hair even more tousled. Like, impossibly tousled. I could feel him glaring over at me,

"Uh huh, no kidding. You would be mad too if you were stuck in here all the time!" He grabbed a half glass of water from the stand and downed any remaining water in a big gulp, "It fucking sucks."

I winced at how cold he sounded... Not that I really thought anyone would like staying here, but he seemed to aggressively hate the place, "When do you get out?" Come to think of it there seemed to be nothing wrong with him... Maybe he was getting out soon, that'd be good.

He looked at the floor and scowled, "When I die."

My eyes widened, shocked by his harshness, "Hey now! That's not a fun thing to say!" I tried to reconcile, "It might seem that way, but you'll be out before long!" I wanted to reach out and give him a friendly touch, but worried he wouldn't like that.

"It's true." He spoke so bitterly that I wasn't sure whether he was actually exaggerating or not, "And I hate every second of it."

I attempted to lighten the mood, "Even now you have me to chat to? Oh!"

I suddenly felt a kick at my leg, "Yes!" He cried out, "Stupid!"

I laughed loudly rubbing what would surely become a big bruise, "I'm sorry..."

I looked at him, I could still barely make out his face but I felt like everything about his character was enough to remember, from the presence he had to the way he held himself, "What would make you smile?" I asked.

"What?" He asked in a flat disapproving tone.

I inched closer, a smile on my face, "What makes you smile? Tell me something!"

"This sounds fucking gay." He was suspicious.

I just laughed and shrugged, "Just one thing! It can be something tiny. Like a cactus!"

I could feel him wrinkling his nose, "A cactus? What the hell?"

I gave a sigh, "Anything!"

There was a pause, but I didn't push it because he was thinking now. I was getting excited... "Fine." He smirked in the dark and sat up straighter, "A big black coffee. Not the shit they give us here, but something quality. Real quality. And hot."

I nodded slowly at the request, "Then how about I come see you tomorrow morning with a big black coffee for you?"

The boy snorted, "Why the hell would you do that?"

"To make you smile..." I reached out to put a hand on his shoulder but stopped when he flinched at the even raising or my hand, "It's not troublesome! So why not?"

He just grumbled to himself, I couldn't understand why...

"Unless you want something different?" Maybe he lied because he didn't get that I was going to take him what he wanted.

"I don't care!" His reply was quick and defensive... Maybe just getting a coffee was best after all, it was easy too!

"Well..." I rubbed my hands together, "What's your name?"

The guy suddenly looked up at me, "Why the hell do you wanna know?!"

"Well," I explained, "I need it to order the coffee for you..."

I could sense his eyes narrowing in the dark, "Don't try to fool me..." He hissed before suddenly raising his voice, "Hey, you fucking pervert! I don't need to tell you! It's not like I'm picking up my own damn coffee, use your own name!"

I frowned. Goodness, I had never seen someone so violently oppose being asked their name, "I thought you might like your own name on the cup..." If someone was doing this for me, that's what I'd appreciate.

"Tch. Why am I even allowing you to come back and see me again? Jeeze...

...

...It's Lovino."

I blinked, I hadn't really expected him to continue, "Huh?"

He made a frustrated sound, "That's my name you idiot! Listen a little! It's Lovino, now don't go spreading it! What the hell is your name anyway? Do you think you can just take my name and get away with not telling me yours? Ha!"

I was so busy taking all that speech in that it took me a while to realise that there was actually a question in there,

"M-Me?" I caught on startled, "Oh my name is Antonio!"

I expected another barrage of talking but instead there was nothing.

That was until he finally asked in an uncharacteristically soft voice, "Oh... European, huh?"

I nodded, even in the dark, "Si. Spanish." I replied, "Are you Italian?" The name Lovino sounded Italian.

"Si. Definitely." He answered firmly, "Well good. I don't know many European guys around here except my family and some fucker my brother knows." I could tell he was looking at me for once, "Good job."

"Um, y-yes... Thank you..." I faltered, not sure if that was really something I could claim credit for...

"Yeah, whatever!" His fire was straight back, and with a vengeance, "Now get lost! I kinda wanna do some fucking sleeping here!" I laughed. Lovino certainly was an interesting character. I sort of liked him. But really, he was right. It was late...

So I stood up, "I'll see you tomorrow!" I reminded him chirpily, "With your coffee!"

He just rolled back into the covers, I only got some grunts in return.

I decided then to just leave him, let him rest up and give him some peace and space.

Now I just had to find my way out of this very interestingly designed hospital...

**.oO0Oo.**

I made sure that I kept my promise to Lovino.

Fortunately it was even my day off work! I ran a small cafe but even though it wasn't big or world famous, it did get pretty busy, and being the boss I couldn't take much time away from it. Luckily I had the slow days and what days of the week they were all figured out, so I just made the slow days the closed days and shut up the place to get some sleep!

But today I got up early. Monday was my first day off in the week, no one goes to cafes on Mondays, and this was usually the day I slept until the afternoon in.

But today, I rose at nine, my mind was set on my errand! Truth be told, in the time since I last saw him, though there hadn't been much of it, I had been thinking a lot of Lovino and just about how miserable he sounded. It was a shame for anyone to be so negative! So really the least I could do to help him cheer up was bring him a coffee if he wanted one, right?

It was funny, I had actually been pretty worried about finding Lovino's room after my scare the night before. Even after leaving Lovino's I had taken another ten minutes to finally find the exit... I had wondered if I'd ever get out!

But something must have gotten me to become much more aware of where I had been going that night trying to find the hospital front door, because as I stepped back inside I had some sort of idea of what the right direction might be!

I got excited as I thought how I could even make it to him before visiting hours ended three hours later!

There was great relief as I took the elevator up and saw a place I recognised when I got off- I had been concerned that even with Starbucks being just around the corner from the hospital that the coffee would have been cold by the time Lovino got it.

I knocked once on the heavy wood of the thick door, but it was already agar. I could see him on the bed, on top of the duvet sprawled out like this was his own bed. He was so used to it. Did he already have some visitors?

"Lovino?" I called out as a greeting, surely enough, there was just him in the room, no other visitors. But the TV was on this time and the kid looked totally engrossed in it. I smiled as I peeked at the screen. There were two brightly coloured cartoon characters engaged in some epic battle, "Wow!" My smile grew as I watched a little, "What's this? It looks exciting!"

He shot a look at me, finally realising I had arrived, "Hey!" I had never seen anyone grab a remote and turn off a TV so fast. It was impressive!

"What the hell do you think you're doing coming in like that!?" He started, "You can't just wander in to peoples damn hospital rooms you-"

He stopped suddenly and stared at me, I felt the scrutiny of his eyes... I laughed a little awkwardly to get rid of the tension.

"Wait." He spoke again, a little calmer now, "Are you Antonio?"

It took me a moment but it finally hit me that Lovino had no idea if I was the guy he spoke to! He hadn't a clue as to what I was supposed to look like! I wonder if this is what he expected...

"That's right!" I quickly told him to prevent him getting even more confused and sat down where I was the night before, "Sorry I scared you!"

He definitely didn't have the look I expected... I mean, with the way he had been talking I had started to expect some broody dark guy, with pale skin, piercing cold eyes, dark hair and everything! But he was the opposite!

He looked young, I had imagined that, but he had tanned olive skin, incredibly smooth and flawless and an almost effeminate figure, with long slender legs, defined hips nipping in for a narrow waist. He looked angry right then, he had full cheeks that had gone a little red and his small mouth which had become a pout. He had big eyes with great long lashes and his hair was a glossy auburn, even though it was ruffled up wildly and one kink of it was sticking up completely.

What a fascinating contrast to my imagination!

"You actually showed up." He gave one of those famous huffs and pushed his hair back from his face with a small hand.

"Of course!" I don't know what he had expected as I held out the black coffee, which was specially for him, right under his slightly turned up nose.

"Give me that!" He snapped as if I hadn't been dangling it in front of his face and took it.

He took a long sip, closing his eyes and arcing his back like a black coffee was giving him intense pleasure... I suppose after only having the stuff in here I would act a little like that too. After that long sip which probably barely scratched the surface of the gigantic venti sized cups Starbucks offered he wiped his mouth with the back of his palm and put it down.

I looked between him and the set aside cup a few times... Hm. He didn't seem as overjoyed as I maybe hoped he would.

"Do you like it?" I ventured, "Are you smiling now?"

He glared with his eyes straight ahead and pulled his knees to his chest. He wasn't really dressed like I expected either... He had a bright yellow oversized t-shirt that was made of a really soft material and was obviously worn a lot, and a pair of bright purple pyjama shorts. I gotta say, the outfit was quite different to his personality, but still suited how he looked. He looked so innocent.

I sighed as he absently took another slurp of his coffee, "You don't really seem that happy..." I could feel a little concern... This is what he did ask for, was there really nothing to satisfy this kid?

He blinked a few times, not answering before taking a breath and slowly replying, "It's pretty fucking hard to be Mr. Goddamn Smiles like you are when you get stuck in here."

I sucked in my cheeks, my brow knitted with sympathy. Poor Lovino... I just wanted him to feel somewhat better! I considered anything that might make a hospital stay seem brighter, "Don't you get any visitors?" I tried. Maybe there weren't any in here right now, but I had only seen Lovino twice, and the first time I wasn't even, meant to be in there!

He snorted and laughed loudly but ironically, "Ahaha! Do you think I would be making conversation with a  jackass creep like you if I had a lot of visitors?!" He smirked.

I looked a little sad for him, "No family?" Somehow I doubted that this boy had absolutely nobody, that didn't seem to fit in with any aspect to him... Except perhaps the negativity...

He shrugged, pursing his lips, "I guess they try. But quit judging them! They're busy okay!? They actually work you know. They show up every two weeks."

I almost stood up in fright, "Two weeks!? Lovino, how much do these guys work?!" I couldn't believe that they could only find time to visit a loved one every two weeks...

He rolled his eyes at my shock, "Yeah well grandpa never got us any fucking health insurance until it was too damn late, and the only one who can help him pay for some shitty doctor to do fuck all is my brother... So go figure!" He was scowling as he picked at a graze on his knee.

"That's still..." I began. If my mother, heaven forbid, was ill or something I could never cope with only a visit each two weeks. But I guess I didn't really know what Lovino's situation was... So I decided to ask before getting too amazed at the lack of contact Lovino and his family got, "Why are you in here?"

He turned to me looking totally exasperated, "Becuase I'm sick, dumbass! Do you even know what a hospital is for, duckweed?! Sick people!"

I looked at him as he flew off the handle again with wide eyes before starting to laugh loudly. 'Dickweed'! Gosh, he was so violent!

"No, no... Oh Lovi..." I tried again, "I'm asking what sickness you have."

He clicked his tongue in irritation, "Don't fucking shorten my name like you know me. Besides, I told you last night, so you wouldn't have to waste air if you do some damn listening- I'm dying."

The laughter stopped. It stopped right there.

"W-What?"

"I'm dying." He repeated louder as if it was just the case that I had misheard, "I have fucking brain tumour and your yaking probably isn't helping! Do you even have any idea where you are? This is the ward for the terminally ill."

I had no idea what ward I was in. I hadn't been paying attention in the slightest bit. My lips were parted as I felt like someone had hit me in the stomach. I hadn't expected this, "Oh my..."

"Yeah." He was sharp, "I only have 6 months left, which is around 15552000 minutes, two of which I just wasted explaining this shit to you because you don't have a fucking attention span, so you better be satisfied! Com-prend-e?"

I didn't know what to say...

This couldn't be right, not when Lovino seemed so... Full of life! It just felt impossible that he might- or rather- he _would_ be so sick and have his life ending before he even got to explore it...

'I'll get out of here when I'm dead' is what he told me last night. I hadn't thought much of it, passed it off as him being cynical then...

Ah. So he meant it.


	2. Together For a While

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with chapter two! I've realised that I have made a mistake and I already have to say that after this chapter there won't be any for two weeks. I'll be away somewhere and wont be able to upload! But I'll be right back to continue this as soon I get back! Thanks for reading!

I felt a little bad for leaving Lovino alone again so soon after finding out about the poor kids condition... I sort of wrapped it up after things revealed themselves and left him alone again.

Left him where I found him.

Alone and unhappy.

In his bright soft clothing on that bed, waiting to die.

I felt really, really bad about leaving him there...

But after I heard about how Lovino had just six months I knew I had to leave. I was worried how I might act if I stuck around and I felt like sitting there tiptoeing around poor Lovino because I felt sorry for him would be a lot worse than getting out of there...

But he stayed with me all day... It seemed strange that I kept on thinking of him as I made the most of my day off, he was very pretty, but not really that remarkable as a person. I would hate to think that he only stayed with me like that because he seemed so unusually angry and negative, but the thing was, that I kinda think that was the reason.

I painted my front door that morning; it needed done, so I made it blue. Then I had lunch inside before washing my patio down for the summer, the dirt in there was incredible. By the time I was through all that I was worked to the bone so tried to sew some ragged pillow cases after dinner until bed. It wasn't quite working... I was never great with sewing and things so I decided to give up and take it in to work tomorrow, one of my waiters was really nimble with his fingers. Even though this was a day I got off from my work at the cafe, there was stuff to do at home- it never really stopped. I had to keep working! At least it kept me in shape.

The next day was work again! I couldn't afford to laze around at home; I had to keep a business running. Though even as I opened up that morning I thought a little more of Lovino. Even though I was doing so much Lovino had to sit in that dingy room on his own...

I had to confess, I really wanted to visit him again. Not because I felt sorry for him so much, but I kinda just wanted us to talk a little more and maybe I could take another crack at helping him feel better and cheer him up... Even with the circumstances.

I had just got the chairs down from the table when my oldest waiter showed up. Feliciano was seriously a gift as a worker, he was a young Italian guy and he came in every day, he was my only full time one and was really good, we had been together almost since this place opened. He was bright and smiley, he made everyone want to be there and so I did my best to be his friend, knowing I wouldn't do almost as well without him. So, yeah, perhaps he did have to take some time whenever a customer was cruel to him to calm down and he cried a lot... If someone who looked big and intimidating came in he was notorious for putting off serving them until they got angry because he was scared... But that didn't stop him usually being really great!

We greeted each other and he went to the cloak room before coming back to join me, "Happy Tuesday!" He smiled as he stretched, joining me. We were officially open for the day, but knew better than to expect anyone to turn up for a little while yet.

I smiled back at him, "Yeah, Happy Tuesday!" I watched as he took a seat at a vacant table, "How was your day off?" I wondered if I should mention Lovino.

He looked at me cluelessly for a moment before blinking and seeming to come to his senses, "Oh! That... It was fine." He looked to the ceiling for a moment, "Do you think Ludwig will come in today?"

I raised my brow, "Oh it's Ludwig now? The other day it was still 'Mr. Beilshmidt', right?" I teased.

Ludwig was one of those big scary types but he seemed to have a real soft spot for Feli, and Feli had really seemed to warm to the big guy. It was cute to see both of them make those eyes at each other across the room when they thought no one was looking! I was sure they liked each other... Maybe they just needed a little push to stop pretending that they were just a customer and a waiter.

Feliciano put his hands over his eyes and giggled, blushing at my observation, "'Toni!" He put his hands down, "I really think he's nice..."

I sat on the counter, watching him get flustered, "Well you know he really thinks you're sweet too, right?"

"Ve?" Feliciano seemed to be totally unaware that he had admirers. Ludwig wasn't the only one, but since he came in every day we were open I sort of considered him to be the most dedicated one, "He's just polite..."

I shook my head, "Not true!" I moved over to him and ruffled up his hair, "Come on, Feli, you like him, don't you? He likes you! There's nothing to stop you!" I grinned and clapped my hands together.

He frowned and look remorseful , "I don't really know 'Toni... I'm not sure it would really all work so well." He sounded a little down, "I think I would like to go out with him, but it isn't all so easy!"

I sighed and tilted my head, I'm sure Feliciano could be taken on one date and not come out any worse off but before we could go into that the early bird arrived. The early bird tended to be different every day, but was still sort of one being. Whoever the early bird was, he or she would kick-start it all off and before we knew it there'd be a queue of people all there for us and we'd be begging our part-time worker Michelle to hurry! We knew she came in as fast as she could but living so far away, she could only come in two hours after opening time. Feliciano and I both did wonder why she made a commute like that, but she made beautiful pastries so we never decided to ask, we didn't want her to see sense and quit so she could work somewhere closer!

Once Michelle arrived, Feli and I calmed down. She was in until and during the lunch rush then she left, she was a mother just getting back into work, see? I was really proud of her; she only started working again two months ago and was doing really great!

Around the time Michelle left there was a lull in the day. Just a few still lingered, Feli and I were pretty much just free to chat,

It was then when I remembered my pillow case, "Hey Feliciano, you think Arthur would mind helping me out patching up a pillow case? I don't think I can do it alone." I knew I asked a few favours from my staff, but they could ask things of me too! Of course they could! I had done gardening for Femke in the past! I liked the thought that we were one big family, I didn't want them to see me as their boss so much... We were friends.

Feliciano shrugged, "I don't think he'd mind... Or I could do it." He looked somewhat nervous, "'Toni, do you think he's coming today?" He sighed, wringing his hands together.

Ludwig hadn't made an appearance yet.

I was actually sort hoping he wouldn't notice... I didn't want Feli to get upset, "Hey, now..." I started to reassure him, "He's probably tied up with work. There's a while until closing time! He'll be here." I did believe that Ludwig would show. He was smitten with Feli, he wouldn't miss a day!

It was then that Feli chose to worry, "Maybe something happened!" He put a hand to his mouth, "'Toni what if he got hurt somehow?" It was amazing how Feli could pretend that he didn't want to be with this guy.

I smiled at him, "He'll be fine! He's just not here yet."

I wondered if anyone got worried about Lovino when he stopped turning up places. He sure didn't act like he felt missed. I hoped he was doing okay...

I decided then that if I wanted to help Lovi's quality of life in his last months, then sitting and hoping for him wasn't really gonna cut it. Not only that, but I wanted to visit him again. I wanted to talk to him.

I would do that the next morning. I could be there with him for at least two hours before opening up that day, and my evenings weren't so great for that kind of thing.

Ludwig came in twenty minutes after Feli had been all worried, looking ruffled but immediately warming when Feliciano hurried over the moment he sat down. Things worked out for the good for Feli that day.

I just had to make things go nicely for Lovino too now.

**.oO0Oo.**

"I brought you another coffee!" I held up the steaming cup as I entered Lovino's room, keeping a smile on my face.

Lovino gave me a strange look as he pulled one ear bud from his ear, sitting forward from his reclined music listening position, "The hell?" He asked quietly as I offered him the drink, "I never told you to get this!"

He stared at the cup like it was a trap. His nose wrinkled and his hands gripping his bed sheets.

I kept holding the cup where it was, it was his, he should take it, "I got it anyway." I sort of spoke the obvious, "I thought if I was coming here I might as well do something good!"

His eyes flicked to my encouraging expression before slowly taking the cup, "About that. When the hell did I tell you that you could come back in here?" He almost spilled his drink as he quickly leaned forward as he noticed me going to sit on the end of his bed, "Stop! Don't sit there! There's a chair here for a damn reason." He nodded to the teal plastic chair that sat abandoned near his bedside.

I looked at it, then at him, "But I always sit here..." Honestly I didn't really think I had been visiting long enough for anything I did to become routine... But he never objected before.

He sat back watching me, "Not today. Hit the chair or hit the road."

I swallowed and let silence hang as I walked to the chair, lifting it over to his bedside. I slowly sat; we shared a glance as I was on the way down, a symbol of my surrender of the place on the bed.

He gave a long blink, finished paying attention to me now that I wasn't on his bed.

I clasped my hands on my lap, "Are you angry at me?" I asked, candid with how I was reading his attitude.

He rolled his eyes but couldn't hide his cheeks tinting pink, "Not especially. I always am a little." He suddenly seemed to explode, just a little, "Why the hell would I be!?"

I wet my lips, "I did walk out on you the other day... I'm sorry Lovi! I didn't know how to handle what you told me." I pushed back my hair, fiddling nervously, "You probably get that a lot. I was rude, I know." It felt good to tell him that.

He tilted his head back, "Yeah, yeah! Shut up you sound like a freak!" He put his hand out to stop me saying more, "Whatever."

I picked at my nail, I wanted him to understand that I knew it was mean to walk out on him, but he was telling me to stop talking. It was a dilemma!

I decided to carry on, but not give him a long speech, "I just want you to know we're still friends! If you want to be!"

He gave a short laugh, "Who said anything about being friends? I don't even ask you to show up yet you appear out of nowhere like some kind of jackass!" He blew out his cheeks and folded his arms, "Everyone tries to coddle me when they find out I'm gonna die. Them telling me their shit won't change a fucking thing! If you're here to do that then fuck off!" He snapped quickly.

I smiled slightly, the reason I left it because I worried that I'd do that, "I'm not." I assured him quietly, "I just left because I wasn't really sure how I was meant to behave..." I could feel myself about to explain my actions again.

"Well it's not like I even asked you to be there in the first place!" He put his hand to his forehead, "You wipe the goddamn energy from me."

I leaned forward, "Do you forgive me?"

I could see his jaw clench in irritation, "Not like I was ever really that mad."

I smiled slightly, "Lovi, you so were! It's okay now, right? I'm not gonna walk out this time!"

I expected some sharp reply but there was nothing. Did I say a bad thing?

Lovino was still, looking blankly at his hands resting in his lap,

"Lovino?" I gently prodded his arm, just slightly to make sure he was in there.

In return he let out a shaky breath, suddenly he seemed really upset.

He swallowed, "Every time I tell someone that I'm dying they stop treating me like a human fucking being..." He sniffed and I didn't say anything, just let him take his time, "They quit talking to me or start being all careful around me! They start tiptoeing around me and then I start thinking they only even speak to me at all because they know I'll be gone soon! It's crap!" He scrubbed at his eyes before anything could appear in them, "It's not fair! I'm still m-me! I never changed because of a damn tumour!" His body betrayed him and a sob came out, "I'm still... Agh!" He gave a frustrated yell at how his voice tripped over itself and drove his fist into the mattress next to him.

"Hey now..." I started before stopping myself. I was still looking at him and seeing a weak young boy whose life was ending. No wonder he was so desperate not to cry there, he was desperate to prove his strength,

"Lovi," I started again, "I'm not going to be like that." I put a hand firmly on his shoulder, making sure that I was touching him as a solid, not glass about to shatter, "You're dying but that's okay!" Those words felt bad on my tongue, they sounded wrong but they didn't mean what they made out, I was trying to tell him that I wasn't going to let death hinder our talks together. I promised to be a friend, because it was so obvious that he wanted one, even if he treated me like I should never return to him.

I think he understood.

He blew his nose, "You're so full of crap..." He told me, but I knew he meant that he got me.

I just laughed, "So are you gonna be okay?" I asked, just in case he wanted to say more.

He hit me lightly on the arm, "I'm fine, shut up! I was never upset!"

I considered lecturing him on how sadness was okay and natural but I decided against it. Instead, he would probably prefer it if I moved on completely,

"So..." I eyed him from my seat, "How have you been? Did anything exciting happen since we last met?"

I was at the point of realisation that when Lovi was in here the whole time the topic of conversation for the two of us was a little limited.

"Nothing happened. Nothing at all." I kinda have to say, I expected that answer a little.

However it still disappointed me, "So are you gonna let this be it for the next six months? Doing nothing?"

He raised a brow and smirked, "Heh. If I'm lucky, I'll be so bored out of my mind by the time I go, that I'd rather be dead anyway."

I frowned, this really was no way to think, "You think that's okay? Is that what you want?"

That seemed to irritate him a little, "Well who the hell are you to act so high and mighty about it!? It's not like I get out much! What am I  _supposed_ to do?"

I sat back in my chair, "Aren't you allowed to go out?" He seemed stable. There wasn't anything about how he acted that made me think that he wasn't allowed a few little day trips.

He shrugged, "If I wanted. But what the hell would I do?"

I watched his face pensively. I was going to help Lovino enjoy the time he had left. I would make it happen no matter how cynical he was!

He did have a point though; what would we actually do together? Sure I could take him out, maybe to see a movie or for lunch but that all seemed so mundane! I wanted to do more than that! I wanted something special for him!

Suddenly it hit me, something he would definitely love, and great for his situation.

"How about a bucket list?" I suggested. Everyone made themselves a bucket list at some point, it was almost like a will. Even if they never wrote it down and numbered what they wanted to do and see, I don't think there's anyone who hasn't considered the stuff they wanted to do before time ran out. I bet Lovino wasn't gonna be an exception!

"A bucket list?" He repeated.

I nodded several times, "Yeah, you know... A list of all the-"

"I know what a damn bucket list is!"

"Do you have yours?"

He paused, "Yeah. But why should I give all that embarrassing shit to you?"

I smiled widely, "We'll complete it together! I'll help you!" I was starting to really like my own plan.

He laughed, "You know no one actually completes those stupid things, right?"

I frowned, not seeing how we should let that kind of thing deter us, "Then you can be the first! How cool would that be?" I felt like he could be warming a little to this.

He sighed loudly before reluctantly nodding to the cabinet in his nightstand beside me, "Get me the green notebook."

I was quick and excited to obey! I almost threw myself off the chair as I kneeled to open the cabinet.

Wow... Lovino certainly crammed enough of his possessions in there to make himself at home! There were chargers, books, tissues, gaming consoles, and a whole lot more stuffed in there. Dozens of games stacked up but luckily I found the notebook quite easily! It was squeezed between CDs and DVDs of movies and bands I didn't even know of. I pulled out the thin, ragged book like it was extremely precious as I gave it to him.

He handled it a little less cautiously as he grabbed it from me and muttered Italian words that I guessed I would rather not hear translated.

He flicked through the pages, scanning them all as he moved through the book before stopping, reading it more carefully before hesitantly handing the book back again.

"Don't laugh!" He warned.

I nodded absently as I was struck by his neat pretty hand writing. He spoke so sharp and angrily that his narrow and curved hand writing was again not matching to how he spoke and acted.

I read each bucket list item carefully, if it was important to him, it was now important to me!

Some were crossed out, ones he had done and completed... It was kinda nice to see that he had been making an effort to do these things, even if he hadn't done so in a while.

His list was-

Learn to swim  
Pay back Grandpa  
Ride a hot air balloon  
Cook a meal all from scratch (this was crossed off)  
Explore Italy  
Plant a tree (this was crossed off too)  
Spend a whole night in a pillow fort and watch movies  
Spend all weekend having a good time  
Accept death (It broke my heart to see this one crossed off)  
Sing karaoke  
A night that I go to sleep with everything feeling right

So as I looked over this I started to realise that in the time we had to do all of this, completing Lovi's list may not be possible.

However we could really try!

I gave it another read over, there were a few things on here that were a little more long term, like learning to swim (Lovino didn't know how to swim?) which might be hard. He was still sick; we couldn't overwhelm him so much by being full on. Exploring Italy would also be hard... I don't think either of us had that kind of money, and I had no idea what he meant by paying back his grandpa...

As I thought about it, Lovino shoved my arm lightly, "Hey! Don't just sit there!"

I blinked and came back to earth, smiling at him, "Sorry, Lovi! This looks great!" This was sincere, and some of it we could certainly get through, "Are you excited to get going?"

He took back the book to give it another look over himself, "We can't do all this crap." He even looked a little disappointment... My heart sank. He was actually getting excited? It would be such a shame for him to think that we wouldn't really be able to do something when he was finally getting hopeful after goodness knows how long...

I sat up straight, sudden determination brewed! "We will do it all!" I gripped his metal bed frame, "You'll love it! You'll see..." I laughed, my heartbeat going up with excitement, "We're gonna do together, Lovino."

He met my eyes and I almost gasped as I saw a small smile, "Really?" He scratched the back of his neck, "Okay."

I looked at the notebook in his lap. He tore out the page with his bucket list on it, folded it once and handed it to me without a word. He trusted me with this before I left him alone enough for him to get negative and change his mind.

We just couldn't wait to start!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading! Please review and stick around for the next chapter!


	3. Uno, Deux, Drei

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! And I've returned with a new chapter!

With the bucket list in my care, I had decided that it was my job to do what needed to be done and prioritise before we did anything. We couldn't just jump right in! I had to think about how, when, where half the stuff would happen. We could do some stuff, like make a pillow fort, easily! But a hot air balloon ride and others might take a little more thinking about.

I reserved all this complicated stuff for at home and when I went to see Lovi the next day we didn't really mention the bucket list, I decided then that I was going to be spontaneous with all our activities! I wasn't going to  _tell_  him that we were going to something in two weeks and a certain thing on a certain day; I was just going to take him out and give him a surprise!

As I left for work I did mention that it was my day off again the next day but he denied me another visit. I was hurt at first, but then he told me that it was the one day that his Grandpa and brother were coming to see him. I knew then that I should stay away, give those three some privacy. I could have been there but wouldn't that be so rude? I couldn't take away any time those guys had by being there, needing introduced and making them feel like they needed to include me, blah, blah blah.

I would see him that Friday, and I was thinking of closing the cafe a little early so I could maybe see Lovi in the afternoon and take him out somewhere. It didn't have to be a bucket list trip, just a friendly one- I think he was warming up to me.

I hoped I wasn't up too early to make a call; I listened to the phone ring and glanced at the bedside clock. It was only eight in the morning, and I happened to know that who I was calling wasn't exactly an early riser,

I felt a little relief when there was a click and a groggy voice on the other end, " _Oui_?"

I grinned as I gripped the phone, "Francis! It's 'Toni!" I knew it was far too early for Francis to be doing such bothersome things as check who was calling. He probably hadn't even opened his eyes.

"'Toni!" He suddenly seemed to perk up, " _Mon dieu_!" I could hear a rustle, "I thought you had forgotten me!"

I laughed and lay back, "I called you the other week. How's Gil'?"

I could hear a sort of snort, "Disgustingly unromantic with his little bird, I don't know why the sweet boy stays with him."

I grinned to myself, cradling the phone to my ear, "So they're okay?" I felt warmth spread through me as I spoke with my old friend. I was only supposed to call Francis, I was going to ask about hot air balloon rides. Francis' job was to take people on helicopter rides; just for fun and stuff, and I guessed with a job like that it was possible Francis knew where I could go for a hot air balloon ride with Lovi. Not only that but I was pretty certain he and Gil' were on one just last year.

I heard Francis sigh, "So they say."

I bit my lip. I missed Francis a lot. I had left the town I went to high school in with those guys and started the cafe up the minute we graduated. None of us three went to college, but my two best friends, Francis and Gilbert still stayed behind, the place we grew up in was bigger, it had more opportunity! They really tried to convince me, they told me that I could start a cafe anywhere and they were right, I probably could. They still didn't manage to get me to stay with them; I'm not really sure why I didn't say yes to them.

"Hey, Francis?" I asked chirpily.

I could hear a loud noise of his coffee machine, "Hm?"

"Mind if I go see you guys?" I stood up and moved to the wardrobe, "It's been a long time."

There was a pause, the question catching Francis off guard, "See us? Today? But 'Toni, you're a three hour drive away!"

"Not if I take the train!" I insisted, "I can be there in two if I take the train, right?"

He sighed, " _Oui_ , if you like..." He chuckled over the phone, "Shall I get the troupe back together?"

I smiled, "Yup, call Gil', we're getting lunch!" I grabbed some clothes and balanced the phone on my shoulder as I hopped around trying to get into my boxers.

I could feel Francis' grin over the phone, "I like the idea... You'll be here in a few hours?"

"Half eleven." I told him, the next train was in an hour.

He yawned, "Alright. I suppose I'll have to make myself presentable."

I laughed, when Francis said 'presentable' he didn't mean the same thing as me, not by a long shot. Francis would be styling his hair, putting on a pressed linen shirt, maybe accessorise with a silk necktie...

He heard my laughter over the line, "What?! Is there something wrong with me making an effort?!"

"It's fine, it's fine!" I headed to the kitchen, "See you in a few hours, bye, Francis!"

" _Au revoir_!" He sang before we ended the call.

An unexpected visit to old friends wasn't a bad way to spend my day off!

**.oO0Oo.**

I met Francis in a fast food place and it turns out I was right about the whole dressing up for a fancy dinner thing. I felt inadequate next to him in my baggy t-shirt and jeans, even though I probably looked more in place here.

We exchanged a look from across the room and he stood up to greet me, "Antonio,  _mon dieu_!" He didn't care that he was calling across a very busy restaurant.

I opened my arms as I made my way over. It was a relief every time I came to see that our relationship as friends hadn't really changed so much, I did worry.

We met and gave a friendly hug, "'Tonio, have you grown?" He put his fingers to his lips. He was probably acting this way because when he acted all dramatic in front of Gilbert, Gil' might smack him and tell him he was being dumb.

I laughed, "Francis, I'm not your kid!" I batted him lightly on the forehead with the back of my hand.

He immediately recoiled, rubbing his head, "Oh! Could it be!?" He looked at me in shock, "Antonio laid a malicious hand on me!?" Tears sprung to his eyes.

It was such a talent Franics had, he oozed drama and he changed his attitude amazingly quickly. I told him once he should be an actor, he just laughed but I still believe what I said.

I sat opposite and I felt like he was gonna go on but his eyes were drawn to the window, "Look who's here."

"Hm?"

We watched as Gilbert made his way across the empty parking lot. He wore a lot of black, and a lot of leather. His jacket was leather, his pants were leather, and he had on a shirt for a band that looked far too dark for me to know them.

Francis wrinkled his nose, "Honestly..." He tutted, "It's far too hot to dress like that."

I couldn't help but agree a little, "At least he's got some shades on." Gilbert couldn't really take the sunlight too well. He was an albino after all.

I smiled. Both my friends were a little weird. Gilbert was always in black leather or wasn't dressed to face the outside world, no in between, he was an albino, a punk rocker, and a guy who had never seemed to have grown out of his rebellious high school phase.

Meanwhile Francis was passionate and dramatic. He was incredibly romantic but stayed single, and liked to see himself as the mature voice of reason amongst us, despite Gilbert hiving to pick him up from places a lot because Francis had overdone it on the wine.

"Hey losers." Gilbert grinned as he sat down with us, "What's up?"

It was nice to see that Gilbert hadn't changed a bit either- he was still brash and loud, yet somehow landed himself a sweet, gentle, quiet boyfriend who seemed to be totally besotted with him.

I figured I might as well move on straight into my reason for coming to see them, "I'm actually here to ask something..." I looked between them, hoping to create some suspense, "Guys, I've taken on a mission!"

The other two exchanged a bewildered look.

Francis leaned forward, "A mission?" Gilbert slowly leaned in too, like we were a bunch of conspirators.

"That's right!" I rubbed my hands together, "I've met a guy who has..." I trailed off. How did I put this? 'Some issues'? 'Some health problems'?

What would Lovino say? He hated it when people spoke differently to him, so why would it be different when I was talking about him? I wasn't to tiptoe around him. If he were here, he'd want me to tell these two the cold hard facts. He was dying. That's all there was too it. No frills, or dodging sensitive words.

"I'm helping a friend who's terminally ill." I finished, this time with my voice void of excitement now that I was just speaking as it was. It suddenly didn't see so fun to talk about my little 'mission' anymore.

Francis blinked, "Oh..." His voice was a low whisper, "You have a friend who's dying?"

Gilbert sat back again, "That's  _Shisse_." He stated bluntly.

There was a long silence that none of us seemed to want to fill. I don't think these really expected the conversation to go this way. No so quickly anyway.

I looked down. I felt a little bad for throwing that on them. They hadn't met Lovino, they didn't get to see him like I did, all they could see was a poor ill patient, full of suffering and pain. They weren't treated to see how feisty he was. How strong he was.

"I'm getting food." Gilbert stood up abruptly and left us, walking to the counter to treat us three to lunch.

A few minutes after he was gone, and after a long, long pause, Francis tapped my hand, "What's the matter with this friend?" He asked softly.

I smiled humourlessly at him, "It's a brain tumour." I gave a small sigh, "He's got six months to live."

Francis put his head in his hands, " _Merde_." He looked genuinely troubled, "The poor soul.  _Mon ami_ , how did you meet him?"

"I got lost in a hospital." That earned a light chuckle, Francis knew to expect that kind of thing from me, "Remember my urinary tract infection?"

Francis' face crumpled, "'Toni, stop mentioning that!" He batted my hand that rested on the table, "Stop brining that up! It's not what we want to hear about!"

I laughed at his reaction, "It's all cleared up now!" It was a relief to have that thing gone, "But that's why I was there." I continued, "That's how I found him; I ended up wandering the wards." I looked into Francis' sky blue eyes, "He really, really, really needed a friend. I really, really, really wanted to be that friend."

"So where do we come into it?"

Gilbert's voice had joined ours seamlessly.

I looked at him in surprise. He stood at the end of our table with a tray laden with food.

"You heard us?" I asked. I had to admit, if Gil' had heard us on his way over, even with Francis and I speaking in soft tones, that was pretty impressive!

He raised his brow, "No way?" He laughed loudly, "I just jumped in with a random line! I can't believe that fit!" He put his palm to his brow, "That was great, I'm great."

I laughed with him; it was good to see he was okay after the bombshell I dropped.

Gilbert sat back down and we served up our food. Francis obviously didn't approve and made some comments about how little love and attention was given by the chefs preparing our meal, but Gil' and I knew he'd eat it just the same. As much as he wished it, Francis couldn't eat gourmet every day.

"So." Gilbert restarted our initial conversation through a mouthful of burger, "Tell us everything."

I nodded and put down my own half eaten burger, "I've met a guy and he's not got long. He thinks he's all ready to die, but the way he acts and talks is so sad I know it can't be true. He's not depressed guys, he doesn't want to die, but he just lets the time he had pass him by because he thinks that it's just all over now."

"He hasn't been milking the teats of life?" Francis asked, his expression earning him a disgusted look from Gilbert.

"That's right." Even though the way Francis phrased it was a little weird, he was absolutely right.

"Ah. Dreadful."

I nodded enthusiastically, "Right?! I think he's been like that since he got ill, and the whole thing makes me so sad, guys! Even when he says he doesn't want sympathy. He barely gets visitors, not even his family who apparently have to work a lot because his health wasn't insured. He's all alone. He was even so surprised when I came to see him again that he got suspicious!"

"You're just gonna be best buddies with him?" Gilbert asked, concern written on his sharp features.

I nodded, "That's right; I'm helping him live life."

Gilbert looked to Francis there, but got nothing back. He waited for a reaction before realising that he wasn't getting anything and giving up, going it alone, "'Toni... Do you really think this is a great idea?"

I looked at him blankly, "What?" I tried and failed to read him, "Gil', how could it not be?"

He sighed and shrugged, "Well, you know... If he's on the way out, do you really want to put yourself in a position to get attached to him?"

My eyes widened. Gilbert didn't really say that, did he? I tried to look at this from his perspective. Maybe it wasn't the best situation for him to see me in. Lovino wasn't even really tangible as a person to him yet either, so forgetting how Lovi felt might have been easy for him...

But I couldn't accept his point of view, "I do think it's a good idea actually, because he and I are friends." I explained.

Gilbert still didn't look convinced, "Are you sure you don't just want this because you're the one needing to feel needed? Maybe you're just so attracted to this because you're lonely and want to be friends with another lonely person." Before I could deny him adamantly he continued, "How many other friends do you have back there?"

"I have my co-workers!" I insisted with conviction.

"They're  _employees_."

"Gil', they're still my friends!" I was getting heated. Gilbert was never usually like this! I couldn't understand it!

"'Tonio, I know you want that, but your still their boss! To them you're still the one with the whip!"

I swallowed. That hurt. He might have been right a little but he knew how hard I worked to make us a family...

I changed the subject back to what mattered, "That's got nothing to do with Lovino. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't leave him! I really like being his friend!"

Gilbert rubbed his temples, "But he's going to  _hurt_  you. He's gonna leave you!" He looked to Francis again who had been avoiding looking at both of us, "Hey, don't you get it? Come on, you're always so fucking quick to say what you think."

I didn't even give poor Francis the chance to agree or disagree, "Lovino is my friend! He really is! And he needs my help!"

Gilbert made a sound of frustration, "Who cares!? He'll be gone before we know it!"

That's when Francis really did throw his piece in, "Gilbert!" He snapped loudly, "This is a human being you're talking about! This could just as easily be Matthew we're discussing!"

That's when Gilbert stopped. If he could go pale, at that moment he would have. He realised what he had said.

"Oh  _Gott_..." He looked pained, "Antonio, I'm sorry."

I smiled at him a little. I couldn't be angry at Gilbert, he was only trying to take care of me... I understood his frustration, even if I couldn't really accept it.

"You are my brother." He continued, "I just don't want to see you hurt."

I put my hand on his, immediately forgiving him, "But I'm a big guy." I reminded him warmly, "I can make my own choices. I know Lovi and I only have one direction to go in, but that's not something I chose to let stop me!" I looked at them both, "Lovino is very dear to me. Just like you both are."

Francis grinned, "Well said,  _mon ami_ , I understand!" He laughed and smeared some ketchup on Gilbert's cheek, "Even if this buffoon does not."

"Hey!" He rubbed it off and stuck his tongue out at Francis, "Now go ahead and tell us your plan. I will  _try_  to be okay with this."

Gil' and I exchanged a look and I knew for sure his intentions were sincere. The three of us guys really did love each other like brothers after all. I had to realise that these two would be protective, and there was no doubt that I was going to be hurt when Lovino finally left me at the end of this. He also didn't really mean that I had no friends, he only really told me that because he needed to debunk my argument.

A smile played on my lips as I told them what I was doing, "I'm helping him complete his bucket list!"

That really got Francis going; he lit up, "A bucket list- how perfect!" He clapped his hands together, "Let me guess! To make love under the stars! To ride white horses over the beach! To visit the most beautiful galleries and get lost in art!"

I laughed at how animated Francis was, "Not quite so extravagant!" Gosh, good thing I wasn't helping Francis complete his list...

"Well what's on there?" I was good to see Gilbert get interested.

I thought back to the list, which was actually sitting on my kitchen table, "Simple pleasures." I told them, that's what summed it up, "Making a blanket fort and watching movies... Falling asleep happy..."

Francis looked totally taken aback, "You mean he's never fallen asleep happy?"

I chewed my lower lip as I slowly shook my head... Now it was said... That was really concerning.

" _Mon dieu_!" Francis looked shell-shocked, "How long has he been sick!? He sounds miserable."

How long had he been ill? Lovino seemed pretty far in, and like he was totally used to his condition... It might have been years! Most of his life maybe.

I didn't answer Francis, "You know that hot air balloon ride you guys went on a few months ago?" I asked

They both perked, "That was the trippiest thing I ever did!" Gilbert exclaimed.

I laughed, "Well the whole reason I'm here is to ask about it! Was it good? Were the company running it okay?"

Francis nodded vigorously, "Babar Balloons! It was incredible! That is..." Francis looked at Gilbert, "Even with the German one leaving me as the third wheel."

Gilbert took offence to that, "Hey! I just gave a moment for Mattie and I!"

"Matthew was there?" Gosh Matthew seemed to be involved with these two a lot... I had never even met him...

Oh no, I wasn't jealous, was I?

Well maybe a little, but how could I not be! These two had a whole life without me when we used to vow to never do stuff without each other! But it wasn't like I resented Gilbert's boyfriend, he couldn't help it if I felt replaced!

I felt replaced?

Francis was still talking, not having noticed my conflict, "And yet I was left on the sidelines!" He wiped away an invisible tear, "Oh the  _betrayal_!"

Gilbert grabbed a handful of Francis' fries and launched them at our French friend, "Fuck you!"

Francis gave a short scream, "This shirt can't be covered in your grease stains, you imbecile!"

As amusing as I found this I needed to stop them, "Guys, guys!" I laughed, "We'll get kicked out!"

Gilbert flipped Francis off who seemed to wince at the pain the gesture caused him.

"You need to take a hot air balloon trip with this kid? Shit, well at least never being on one is actually normal." Gilbert stayed civil with me. Francis was still inspecting the damage that the fries did to his shirt... Poor guy!

I smiled brightly, "That's right!"

Gilbert took a slurp of his coke, "Well that's a good thing we liked it, right? Babar's is the only place that does hot air balloons in a six hour radius."

My eyes widened a little. I didn't know that...

"How do I book?" I had better get that done now to be safe... If I booked now, it'd be okay, right?

Francis seemed to have decided he wasn't in a bad enough state to warrant an emergency trip to the bathroom, "We can take you to the guy's office! He's based near here!"

"That'd be great! Thanks!" I replied enthusiastically. If I could get this done then that would already be one thing ready to go!

We finished up with talk about other random stuff, which was a nice change from all the heavy stuff before heading out to book this thing. Gilbert said we'd get this over with and then forget about it all and have some fun as a threesome again. He didn't even mention bringing his boyfriend into this, which I felt guilty about liking. I just wanted it to be like the old times!

I was surprised to find the place that I was taken to was small scale. Babar's was a business run by one guy. I kinda like that; it would make it more personal for Lovi and I!

The man behind the desk smiled and stood up and smiled when he saw the three of us enter, he looked at Gil' and Francis, "Well hey you two! Liked it so much you came to book again?"

He wore a big grin. He was a tall guy around our age with crazy blonde hair that I could only imagine taking hours to style. He looked like he'd get on with these two, he had that air of not quite acting his age about him and I immediately liked him too. I wondered what Lovi would think. I laughed as I thought of that kid reacting to this guy.

Gilbert smirked, "Hey, Mathias! So desperate you wanna recyle customers?"

The other guy, Mathias, laughed, "Why else would you come?"

Francis put both his hands on my shoulders, "This young Spaniard requires an wonderful ride, with romance and beauty."

Mathias grinned at me, "You booking?"

I shrugged, "Looks like it, right?"

He laughed, "Absolutely!"

He beckoned me as he took out a huge book and started to rifle through it.

I watched as he went through all the pages, all filled with swirly writing of names next to dates, "You guys are pretty popular..." I noted aloud.

"Ya damn right." He paused to look up and wink at me, "Easy when you're unrivalled."

I leaned forward on the desk as he continued and eventually slowed and stopped, "Okay dude, earliest I can squeeze you in is February! I know what you're thinking! Shit, that's gonna be so cold! I know! Winter is a bitch, but actually if you wrap up you can get a great..."

I couldn't hear him talk after that. February was in ten months... That was way too late! I couldn't do February! He couldn't do February!

"That's the earliest you have!?" I burst in, not sure if I was interrupting him still talking or not.

He looked a little confused, "Yeah... We don't do December or January, man, that's too cold."

Both of those months were too late anyway!

"'Toni..." I heard Gil' behind me, he obviously noticed the problem here too.

I shook my head, "I need something in the next six months!" I told Mathius urgently, "Please, I need something sooner; I really can't do it any other time!"

I felt sick, if I didn't get this then what did I do? Was I really having trouble helping Lovino already? Talking about doing this was the only time he got excited, I couldn't disappoint him!

Mathias shrugged, "That's gonna be hard. Y'know, since people already booked all those slots."

I bit my lower lip, "I really need it before then." I told him pointlessly.

Francis jumped in, "There's nothing you can do? You don't understand, if this isn't booked for some time the next six months then it really wont work."

Mathias shrugged, "You can try and get a stranger to swap with you, but I don't know what they'd say to that."

"Guys..." I looked at my friends, "What am I gonna do, he'll be so upset if we don't do these things!"

Mathias did look worried as I seemed to be breaking down, "Holy guacamole, I don't get what's wrong with February! I can book you in for next summer if the winter really doesn't sound like fun."

I shook my head, "No, no! You don't get it!" I pushed my hair back, "I has to be this summer! I'm begging you!"

He threw up his hands, "What do you expect me to do!?"

I hit my head with the heel of my hand, "I'm sorry... I just really need..." I was pacing now.

Mathias looked at Gilbert, then Francis, "Is he okay?"

"He just genuinely needed this..." Gilbert told Mathias, "We'll talk to him."

Francis agreed and they both approached me, "Come on,  _mon ami_. Francis gently took me by the arm leading me to the door.

Once we were out the panic didn't stop, "How do I do this!?" I asked them as Gilbert consoled me with his tight bear hug and Francis supplied the back patting, "You get how much I really want this, right!?"

Francis took both my arms, "Don't you worry! We will save this!"

I blinked back tears, "How?"

The others looked at each other, "We'll make sure you get on that balloon! We will!"

I frowned, my brow creased, "But  _how_?"

Gilbert stepped forward, "You leave that one to us. Mathias is our friend so he'll let us find a way. Besides, did you forget what I am?"

I laughed weakly, knowing what was coming next, "Okay, fine Gil'."

He didn't let his last question go though, "No! Tell me what I am!"

" _Mon dieu_..." Francis rolled his eyes.

I was smiling a little more, "I know, the best. You're the best."

He clapped his hands together, "Never forget!"

"How embarrassing." Francis finished his commentary.

Gilbert gave my shoulder a light punch, "You forget about this, as far as your concerned, the hot air balloon is booked. Just leave it to us."

I felt incredibly grateful. How could I have possibly ever felt replaced? I had the best friends in the world.

"You guys... You'd really do this?"

Gilbert laughed loudly, "Remember that time you bailed Francis out of jail for running down the street naked?"

"Or when you saved this one from a bad date by pretending to be his crazy ex for him?" Francis pointed out prodding Gilbert with his index finger.

I laughed loudly at the memories, "Okay, I get it!" These guys did owe me; even in I did love them, "So you'll definitely sort it?"

"Without fail!" Gilbert told me with total confidence.

"Thank you..." I breathed.

I had the best friends in the world. I really, really did.

**.oO0Oo.**

The day had been great once I finally managed to push the disaster with the balloon trip out of my mind. It was a day of pretending we were in high school again, with stupid ideas, people almost getting hurt and us being the trio we always were.

The only difference was we used our real ids to get into the bar at the end of it.

So with the three of us just a little tipsy, we stood at the train station as I said goodbye.

"'Toni!" Gilbert grabbed me, "Let me say something."

He pulled me away from Francis who seemed to be in a heated argument with a vending machine.

"Yeah?" I looked at Gilbert who had a serious expression on.

"I know you maybe don't get why I'm so fussed about you doing that stuff for that Lovino guy..."

Oh, it was this again.

"I told you-"

He stopped me, "I know! I'm not stopping you now! But dude... I'm serious, be safe. He isn't gonna do it on purpose, but he'll hurt you bad when he goes. I don't think you realise how much. Can I tell you something?"

I nodded, "Sure."

"Okay," His expression was serious, his tone steady and low, "Only Francis knows this, and he doesn't really want me to say to many people, but I think I need to... Matties step-brother committed suicide two years ago."

I felt like he had punched me in the gut, "He what?" My voice came out as a whisper on a rush of air.

He gave me a sad smile, "Yeah. I know. It was just as we were getting together and it almost broke the guy apart. He still has really bad days sometimes just thinking about Alfred."

I was still getting over the shock of what I'd been told, "That's..."

Gilbert nodded, "Terrible. I know. After the guy wasn't able to play sports he lost it. He went online and found forums that just made his depression worse before he ODed on whatever drugs they were giving him. I know that's really different, but 'Toni, even if Lovino is going out because of an illness not because of suicide, and you even get some warning, I just want you to know I've seen what grief does." He gripped my shoulders like ivy, "I'm so lucky Mattie was mature enough to handle it, but I wouldn't wish what he went through on anyone. And you're about to put yourself through it all. Do you get where I'm coming from?"

I nodded quickly and thoroughly. How could I have dismissed how Gilbert get like that? "I'm sorry I was so insensitive."

He chuckled, "Don't be. Just remember what I'm telling you, alright? And when it happens... Please talk to Francis and I." Our eyes were fixed on each others, "Please."

I hugged him again. Sadness over what I heard welled up in me and I thought of Alfred, a guy I had never met throwing his life away, "Okay." I nodded.

As sad as I was, I was glad Gilbert said what he did. At least now I didn't feel like he was being overprotective.

I did need to realise that the future was dark.

I needed friends like these.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and please leave a comment <3


	4. Going Places, Seeing Stuff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY THIS IS SO LATE! Yesterday just passed me by... x_x

The morning after my day out wasn't so great.

I had already pushed for time the night before, telling myself that it was fine to stay for one more drink with Gil' and Francis, I could always just take the next train home- I didn't need to worry about it!

What I didn't anticipate was that the late train I finally took got delayed halfway home for almost two hours. It was almost one in the morning by the time I stumbled through my front door, totally dizzy from my wearing off tipsy-ness and fatigue. Even after all that, it didn't stop my alarm buzzing loudly at half five the next day. I felt like I had only just closed my eyes and now I had to get back up again!

I considered calling up Feli and telling him I was really sorry but wouldn't be able to open for another hour, just for the sake of trying to sleep off the bad taste in my mouth and the aching drill like feeling in my head for a little longer. I was so tired. I barely ever went to bed much past midnight, and when I did it was because I didn't have work the next day.

But as I contemplated taking a little extra time, I remembered Lovino. I was already closing early just so I could take him out somewhere! I couldn't really afford to open late too.

At least by taking him out later it meant rushing to get ready that morning for a pre-work visit wasn't necessary, and so I was given the small luxury of a long, long hot shower and a cooked breakfast of comfort foods to gently wake me up. At least I got to do this for Lovi!

I ended up making it to the cafe. I got there to see Feli and another of our part time workers, Arthur waiting for me. Maybe I wasn't quite as early as usual, but it was before our opening time so I let it go!

I unlocked and we all made it in, Feli went to put away our jackets and bags for us as Arthur stuck around so he and I set up in the ten minutes we had before we had to turn the sign in the door from reading 'closed' to 'open'.

"Rough night?" I slowly looked up to see Arthur looking over at me as he turned on the coffee machine and Feli hurried around, putting cakes in the showcase cabinet.

"What?" My hand went instinctively to feel at where huge dark bags were hanging obviously under my eyes that morning, "Oh no... Is it really so noticeable?" I looked around for some kind of mirror to inspect the damage, "I did my best to get rid of them!"

Arthur gave a small laugh, "You don't look so awful. You're moving around like a frail elderly man. Hungover by any chance?"

At least that brought a smile, "Me? Can you imagine your nurturing, happy boss with a hangover?" I shook my head, "I'm exhausted, I was out late and the train got delayed coming home."

Arthur nodded understandingly as he declared the cafe officially open for the day though a little early, "Night out in another town?"

When Arthur first started here, here and I were  _not_  good friends. He was cold, and grumpy, and snappy. He had just graduated from high school last year and had planned to go back home to a university in the UK, where he was from, but he decided to stay with some girl he met, and was now toughing it out here for another year. He and the girl had ended it a while ago but he had committed to another year, he couldn't really change his mind. The girl was gone, he wasn't. At least he seemed to like it here.

I secretly believed that Arthur really liked guys. He never stayed with any girl for long, and I never noticed him actively pursuing one, even the pretty ones that would come in and flutter their eyelashes over the counter at him as they ordered.

It's not like I could push him- even if a cute guy came in and he blushed if their hands even brushed. Arthur seemed to still think he was straight and Feli (who shared my beliefs) and I had to accept that Arthur needed to figure that sort of thing out alone.

He and I had warmed to each other over the past year, it was only a couple of months until he left us, but I was glad to have seen him mellowed a little and he and I understood each other some more. We were even good friends! Not long ago I'd have never thought we'd even be on good terms!

I shrugged, "Something like that. Paying a visit to old friends in Newhurst."

Arthur looked surprised for a moment, "Really?" He gave a small laugh, "I almost went to school there."

I raised my brow, "Wow really?" If Arthur had, it suddenly hit me that if he had gone to that school it was likely he'd know Matthew's step-brother... I imagined someone as young as Arthur taking his life and I felt so sad. The poor boy... I wonder what would have changed if Arthur had decided to go to the school in Newhurst. Would Alfred still be underground at seventeen? Maybe the two would have been friends. Maybe Arthur could have been the one friend he needed.

"What made you decide on here?" I was still light hearted. It would be absolutely ridiculous to blame Arthur for not deciding on Newhurst just because of the slight possibility it could have prevented a death. All kinds of things lead to unrelated consequences. That's how the world works, we just never know what might have happened if we had done things slightly differently!

Arthur watched out the window, "I had to pick a team for cheerleading." He told me matter of factly, "I had to toss a coin in the end. I was set on Newhurst and their high school, but I saw somewhere else just as I was making up my mind and then I couldn't decide."

I nodded understandingly. That's right... Arthur had been a male cheerleader... That seemed so strange! It was hard to imagine him as anyone whose job it was to raise morale! But I heard he was pretty good, he even showed me a clip of them performing and it was far better than I thought! I guess some parts of him just didn't come out when he wasn't a performer.

He nodded to the window and we all watched as our first customer made his way over. It wouldn't be long until we were full of people. I smiled, here we go.

**.oO0Oo.**

I did as I said I would, and an hour before usual, the cafe was shut and Feli and Arthur were allowed to go. I had to get Lovi, he didn't know I was coming, but I thought it might be a nice surprise for him to be taken out.

I asked a nurse I bumped into if it was fine if I took Lovino out for a few hours and she confirmed that as long as I had him back by seven, I could do what I liked with him. That was four hours, plenty time for our trip!

I found his door agar again and I smiled as I poked my head around for a peek at him, "Knock knock..." I stepped into his room.

"What the fuck!?"

His yell was loud and suddenly he grabbed his blanket. He was lying out on the bed, his shirt wasn't on him, it lay by his ankle but then fell to the floor as he desperately covered himself.

I laughed as I watched, that was such an extreme reaction! "Calm down!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me in horror, "Calm down!? You fucking walked in on me topless!" He was wrapped up in the blanket, hiding the smooth skin from me.

I walked to where his shirt fell and picked it up for him he snatched it. I couldn't stop laughing; he was just such an animated person.

He scowled at me, "Go away! I need to put my shirt on!"

I frowned, "Lovi, do I really need to leave the room for that? We're both guys, it's okay!"

He looked at me in shock, "You jackass, it is  _not_  okay!" He whipped me on the arm lightly with his shirt, "You want to stare at my chest, don't you!? Uou perverted freak!"

I laughed loudly and turned my back to him, "Is this okay? I can't see you, I promise!" I even put my hands over my eyes.

There was rustling behind me, "Better not have a fucking mirror or something..." He muttered.

I shook my head quickly, "I can't see a thing Lovino..." I gave him a moment to sort himself before asking, "Hey, why were you lying there half naked anyway?"

"I was hot! Duh! What, do you think I  _like_  lying like that!?" He lay back and I turned to see him again, "I didn't even think you were coming today now you peek at me without a shirt? What the hell?"

I frowned, "You didn't think I was coming?" I thought he would have expected me by now at least...

He leaned forward and picked at the skin of his bare foot, "Well... Why would I?" He sounded a little unsure of himself...

I tilted my head and leaned forward, "Lovi... We're a team now! I said I'd come today, didn't I?"

He sighed and left his foot alone. They were pretty feet, with small neat toenails and slender ankles. He now wound his arms around his legs tucked to his chest, "Maybe you saw how dumb my bucket list was and pissed off."

I swallowed hard as I suddenly remembered the list. My mind jumped back to the disaster the day before... The fully booked hot air balloon and the panic I felt. It all came back in a rush. I knew I was supposed to leave it to Gilbert and Francis but until they got something secured I wouldn't feel good.

I shook that thought off, I couldn't let Lovi see that worry, not when this was all he seemed to be really looking forward to it.

"Never!" I exclaimed, "I can't wait to get through that!" I smiled at him as his eyes turned to look at me, "When I say I'll visit, I will."

He made a frustrated noise and stretched out, "Easy for you to say!" He snapped, "You never visit in the afternoon! What am I supposed to think!?"

I sighed... Maybe he was right. If I was going to do this, I needed to tell him. It wasn't fair to suddenly change me routine!

"What's your number?" I asked.

He looked at me sceptically, "My phone number?"

I nodded, "That's right! I can call you up or text you when I'm gonna show up, so you don't have to think I've left you!"

He bit his lip for a moment before rolling over and grabbing a smart phone. It was an old model, but it was still a pretty nice looking iphone. I was a little embarrassed as I slowly pulled my battered flip phone out of my pocket.

But he didn't laugh at me, he saw it but didn't make any comments, just calmly read me his number and I gave him his.

"Hey." He had his camera pointed at me, I waved at it, "Quit that, just look at the camera, it's for the caller id."

"Do you want me to pose?" I inched a little closer.

He clicked his tongue, "Whatever, just let me take it!" He pushed my shoulder back, "Stay still!"

"I could just smile?"

He looked like he was about to throw the phone, "I don't care, just look at it and don't move!"

I stuck with just smiling cheerily, I couldn't think of a good pose.

"Finally." He muttered as he tapped my name in as 'jackass'. It was really great to see he already gave me a nickname! I was so glad!

I snapped his photo. The first one I got was one him flipping me off. I told him it was great, and it really did capture his personality, but I deleted it and used the one I snapped moments later of him looking out the window with the sun on his face, his expression neutral. He looked much better in that one.

I shoved my flip phone in my pocket and stood up abruptly.

"Going somewhere?" He looked me up and down. He looked like he had just smelled something really bad.

I grinned, "Yup! And you are too!" I gestured for him to get up, "I'm taking you somewhere!"

He looked a little thrown off, "Out?"

"That's right!" I took his tiny hand in mine and patted it, "You said it yourself, you don't get out much... So let's go out. The nurse told me it was a-okay!"

He stared at my hand in his, "Fine."

I released his hand as he got up out of the bed and went around the other side of it to suddenly produce a bag.

That was easier than I thought. From what I had come to know of Lovi, he liked to debate things, but this time...He just went with it! Just like that!

Maybe he really did need to get out. How long had he been on that bed?

He punched my arm lightly and I realised that I'd been spacing out a little. I blinked and focused on him in front of me. He was taller standing than he looked sitting down. He had a bundle under one arm, "Leave me alone to get changed." He ordered and nodded to the still open door.

I looked him up and down, yeah; he definitely wasn't dressed to go anywhere! He was still in lounge-wear and the clothes he had under his arm looked like they'd actually be fit for whatever we were gonna do.

"I'll just wait outside,  _si_?" I pointed to the direction he nodded in.

"Yes!" He walked over to the door and even opened it further for me, "Give me a damn minute."

He watched me as I left, I waved as I stepped out,

"Lovi!" I yelped as I stumbled forward. He had kicked my butt for good measure! "That hurt!"

"Go to hell." I heard him tell me quietly before the door slammed.

I laughed quietly to myself as I waited. This was certainly worth closing early for. If it didn't mean losing money, I'd do this every day! I was just in an all together good mood as I waited on him. I smiled and waved at the doctors that passed, sharing my happiness.

He came out around three minutes later. He was dressed in black skinny jeans, a white t-shirt with a tiny rectangular slogan in black writing in a rectangle over the front of it that just said 'I don't care'. Over it he had a red white and black chequered shirt that was left open. He had a couple of long necklaces on with it, simple ones with tiny charms on the end of them. I looked at one of them and it was a tiny mini totem pole carved intricately out of dark brown wood.

He looked...

Amazing!

But it was such a contrast to the cute bright clothes he was wearing in his hospital bed, it was like he had made a transformation in there!

He noticed me glaring and shoved past me, "What?"

He walked on ahead and I followed. He knew how to dress himself, and in these street clothes he didn't look like he was a hospital patient at all! He just looked like a really attractive young guy.

I didn't catch him up until we were in the elevator together. He leaned against the side and studied me.

I shifted under his gaze and tried to meet his eyes, "You okay?"

He whipped his head away again, "Trying to figure out where you're about to take me."

"By looking at me?" I patted down my person, there was nothing on me to suggest any particular place.

Perhaps that was because I hadn't actually picked anywhere yet...

I could take him to a movie? But that'd be just us sitting in a dark room, and I felt like this guy had done enough sitting around lately.

What else was there? Oh! Perhaps we could have—

"You better not be taking me to get more damn coffee." He told me abruptly.

Oh... Well that ended that train of thought, "Hey, why not?" If we were somewhere nice then that sounded like a great idea to me!

He raised his eyebrows, "I know I asked for it once, but it doesn't mean I want it over and over! You keep brining it in for me, I've had enough!"

"It was only twice!"

"Too much, dammit!"

We arrived on the ground floor and headed for the exit together and I nodded, "Okay. Not coffee..." I shrugged, there wasn't much left but, "How about a walk?"

He shot me a look, "A walk?"

"Well... Yeah!" Our town was pretty and he wanted to stretch his legs, right? "We can talk; get to know each other..."

He looked to the ground as we made it out into the glaring April sun, "I guess." He looked ahead, cupping his hand to shade his eyes from the brightness, "Fine! Take me on a walk."

I felt triumphant, at least he agreed! I made a mental note that we'd take a route the finished at the big fountain and we'd spend sometime there.

We started side by side in silence, I desperately thought of something to fill it. I said we'd talk, didn't I? Just walking in silence wouldn't be interesting.

"When did you last get out and around?" I decided that this was semi-safe small talk, besides, the whole reason I decided that this was the thing to do with him was because he said himself that he didn't really get out.

He sighed and looked around, "I've been in that fucking room for almost three weeks." He stretched his arms out as we walked, "I'm in and out so the doctors can play pretend like they're doing shit to help me."

I bit my lip and looked at him. I remembered a question Francis had put to me the day before. About how long Lovi had been ill,

"You do that a lot?" It'd be a little rude to go right in that, so I figured I'd just try and figure it out by the conversation.

"Ha! Too fucking much!" He gave an ironic laugh, "I lost count. I stink of hospital even when I'm at home now."

I ran my fingers down his arm with a sympathetic look, "I'm sorry it's so hard."

He pulled his arm away, "Shut the hell up. I'm used to it."

I moved in front of him and walked backwards, "Tell me about it." I wanted to know the whole life story.

He scowled at me, "The fuck are you doing, jackass?! You're blocking my damn view! Move!"

I smiled, "If I do will you explain it all to me?"

His face crinkled, "What is there to explain?"

I moved out of his way and nudged his arm, "Come on!"

He looked up for a second; there was a long pause where I shot him glances in anticipation. He finally spoke again, "I should have brought sunglasses."

"Lovino!" I was about to tell him to stop changing the subject before stopping... Lovi's life wasn't ordinary, it was probably painful... I couldn't force him.

"What?"

I shook my head, "It doesn't matter, I'm sorry."

But instead of that being the end of conversation it seemed to change Lovi. He let out a loud huff, "Why the hell do you wanna hear all this? You're probably just a stalker creep."

He stopped but I didn't dare talk. Lovi was small, he was much shorter than me and he looked like a very pretty guy but against me, he could really hold his own. He seemed to control the conversation between us and right now he had me silent and listening. He didn't have to tell me that he was about to speak again, I just knew.

And he did, "A week and a half after my seventh birthday, when the cards were still up and the balloons still had their damn helium, I was diagnosed. I was getting a lot of fucking bitch headaches and it was grandpa that took me to the doctors about day I went to get the results of whatever voodoo shit they did to figure out what was wrong with my head, I still wore my special glitter foil badge on that had its bright happy message on it, pinned to my shirt. That was from Grandpa, that badge.I couldn't wear it after I came home, I couldn't wear any of the fucking clothes I wore to the doctors that day after. Fuck knows how I understood I was dying; they sure didn't just say it outright. But I knew. I must have because I got so scared I pissed my pants and cried so much that no one knew what the hell to do with me. Grandpa cried too. The birthday present that I had wished for so hard wasn't even out of its box and I was bawling my eyes out because they let slip to a seven year old that he was about to die."

"Oh, Lovi..." My throat was tight. Why was it so soon after his birthday? And why did that make me so incredibly sad that the pit of my stomach felt like it was on fire?

He didn't even flinch at how upset I was. The thought of some tiny boy, still glowing from birthday love, he pinned on his birthday badge that morning that he was so proud of, because kids love that stuff don't they? It stabbed me right in the gut. He looked at the gift he had been given with fizzing excitement. Maybe he planned to play with it after he got home. Maybe he broke it from sadness and frustration instead of playing with it like he promised he would when he asked for it.

He and I just kept walking as he carried on like he was recounting a regular day, "They tried to treat it, but hell knows it didn't work. Right now my hair is so thin it's fucking disgusting because of some gross chemo. They told me I had until I was sixteen before I died... On my sixteenth birthday I hadn't been so happy since my seventh. I thought I was invincible because I lived more than they first told me. I thought I cheated death or some shit like that. One month later I was told that twenty-one really was gonna be it." He sighed, "I'm nineteen and they told me I have around six months now. They say that at this stage they can be pretty accurate. So I won't even make it to twenty-one. It's been a fucking roller coaster."

He sighed hard. That was it.

I swallowed. I needed to say something! I was the one who pushed him to talk about and even though he didn't seem that upset about it, his story was overwhelmingly sad. I couldn't just let a moment between us like this pass,

"What did you do for your sixteenth?" I blurted out, I couldn't think of what else to ask. If I let the silence continue, the conversation would never pick back up, and then he's regret telling me. I couldn't have that.

He sucked in his cheeks as he thought back, "I had my first drink." He told me.

I bit my lip, "That's it...?" I thought he'd be a little wilder than that.

He rolled his eyes, " _No_." He sighed, "But I hate thinking of that day, it was so fucking pathetic."

I nodded, smiling softly, "I get it." I put my arm around his shoulders and pulled him to my side, "But you're still here!" He tried to struggle out of my grip, "And you have a whole bucket list to get through!"

He wrinkled his nose and finally shoved me off of him, "Shut up! It's not like we'll really get through that crap! You probably laughed at it."

"What? Lovi no!" That was such a silly thing to say, "I think that it's great, it'll be really fun!"

"Yeah, whatever, it's dumb."

"It isn't." I insisted, "Now..." We were nearing the fountain, "How about popcorn? I'll buy!" I nodded over to a stand.

He followed my gaze and shrugged, "Whatever you want. As long as it's salted."

I felt a flutter of excitement; it was great when he agreed with me! "Okay!" I nodded quickly, "You go sit over there."

He didn't say anything, just stalked over to the fountain and sat down, his attention on the water.

As I stood in the line and got out my money, the uncertainty came back. I was really worried about that hot air balloon ride, what the heck did I say if he asked about it? I was a horrible liar, but he wouldn't really feel that great about the truth, would he?

I bought us a large bag of popcorn to share and pretended things were all okay as I made my way back to Lovi. He had one finger dipped in the water and was swirling it around slowly.

"You want one? It's warm." I offered him the bag.

He plucked a few popped kernels from the bag and pushed them though his lips, "Thanks." He yawned and stretched out watching the crowds of people as they milled around, trying to do some shopping before everywhere closed.

I took a handful before placing the popcorn bag between us. I looked where he was looking, wondered what he was thinking.

He chewed his lip for a moment before speaking again, "I really wasn't kidding when I say I don't get out much; it's pretty nice to just chill out here." He let his head hang back, "Thank you for this."

I was quiet.

He really thanked me...

"I think it's good too." I told him, "I don't get to always relax like this either."

He suddenly splashed me, "Bullshit!" He laughed, it wasn't a sarcastic laugh, it was a lovely tinkling one, "You just do what you like!"

I tapped his little nose, "You'd be surprised." I winked. Okay, so I could probably go out more if I wanted to, but he and I were sort of the same. Nowhere to go and no one to go with.

He jabbed my side making me yelp, "You talk out of your ass..." He shifted himself to cross his legs and turn his body to me. I did they same, "How old are you? I bet your in the prime of your life and all that crap."

I was still surprised by that filthy langue of his, "I'm twenty-four." I scratched at my neck a little embarrassed by my age. I was a whole half decade older than him.

"You're kidding?" His eyes widened, oh my, he did seem surprised, "What the fuck?!"

I put my face in my hands, laughing but still embarrassed, "It's not that bad!"

He snorted and poked me with his foot, "You're an old man, jackass!"

It was my turn to splash him, getting it on his shirt, "You're older than I expected too!"

I was true that Lovi looked younger than he was; he had such a pure looking face and soft skin.

"What?" He screwed his face up again, "What the hell? How old do I look!?" He sounded offended.

I considered the question before deciding to avoid it, "How old do  _I_ look?"

He splashed me again and took some more popcorn, "Asshole! I asked you first, okay!?" He glowed, "Now answer me before I shove you in this damn fountain!"

I laughed, "Fine! Fine..." I studied his disgruntled face, "Sixteen or seventeen." I told him in confidence.

He didn't reply for a moment, he just played with that crazy strand of his hair and furrowed his brow pensively, "Why?" He asked eventually.

I shrugged, "You look older now I guess; maybe it was the bright clothing... And you just look really youthful! Don't look like that, it's cute! Now, how old do I look?"

"Great I get to die with a baby face," He muttered darkly before he leaned forward and scrutinised me, "I don't know... Twenty-one?"

I nodded, as I thought about this... That wasn't so bad was it? That was a great age to be seen as! I decided to continue the exchange in the same way he did, "Why?"

He shrugged, "I don't know! You just  _do_! Who cares how?"

I chewed my thumb nail, "Do you think it's good?" I scooted forward and teased, "Do you think I'm hot?"

His face fired up so quick that I was impressed. He went bright red, even his ears! I had to suppress a laugh so I wasn't rude!

He leaned forward and punched me hard in the arm, "What the fuck is that question!?" He grabbed some popcorn and proceeded to launch them at me, "Stupid! Stupid! Dumb question!" I had to put my arm up to shield myself, he ran out of popcorn and started to hit me, "Why the fuck would you ask that!?"

I laughed as he lost his temper, "I'm kidding, I'm kidding! Lovi, stop!" I was lying on my back, he was overpowering me!

He finally quit beating me, "Well don't say those things!" He was still red.

We continued like that for hours! Our little trip out was so much better than I thought. We even had to run back to the hospital because we were almost late. I walked him back to his room and he seemed almost upset to see me go. I really liked hanging around with this guy, he was an absolute live wire and totally crazy, but aside from my employees I hadn't had a friend like that for a long time.

And said I looked twenty-one which I quickly decided was a great thing.

And he never actually denied that I was hot!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Don't forget to review ;)


	5. The Start of Something Beautiful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to start updating on Tuesday instead of Fridays!

Weeks later and taking Lovi out became a regular thing. I stopped closing early but I would go every day before work to check in on him and on my days off (that was if his brother and grandpa weren’t visiting him) we’d go and get lunch. He liked to complain but I had a sneaky feeling that he liked it. His heartfelt thank you by the fountain seemed somehow more genuine than the snarky remarks he spat out. That boy was feisty!

I tried to keep it interesting, I still hadn’t made a move on the bucket list yet, which did concern me as six months slipped towards five, but I knew what I was gonna do with him next, learning to swim couldn’t be left to the last minute. If anything, recently I had been disillusioned to how much time we had, these weeks had gone by so fast and I hadn’t done anything! He wouldn’t always be so able either... But I didn’t want to think about that.

I took Lovi to the local museum. We had both been time and time before I took us both, it was one of the few things this place had, but we still had a good time. We made it fun together! We’d talk about the exhibits and paintings and at times we were both even laughing so hard we almost got kicked out. He liked the bit about the Romans (no big surprise) and I liked seeing the bit with the animals. We both enjoyed the paintings, and the lunch in the museum cafe afterwards was no bad thing either.

It was almost two in the afternoon when I dropped him off back at the hospital. I would have loved to have stayed but I had something important to do. I drove out to the leisure centre and made it inside, heading for the front desk. It was time I got something done.

The young lady looked up at me from her computer as I neared. She gave me a small smile and blushed when I waved cheerily, “Hey!” I spoke friendlily as I leaned on the curved desk, “I would like to know... Do you guys do swimming lessons for older guys?”

She blinked, “Older guys? You mean men?” She looked a little confused.

I nodded, Lovino was a man wasn’t he? He wasn’t a kid, “Yeah, but the basics and stuff- for someone who still needs to learn.”

She slowly nodded, “This isn’t for you?”

I laughed and shook my head, “No, no, I’m here on someone’s behalf. They couldn’t come so I’m running an errand.”

She leaned forward and tapped around on her key board, “I could put him in our ‘Basics for the Senior’s’ class?” She grabbed a pamphlet that was in a pile next to my elbow and gave it to me, “Dates are in there, but you can join any time and they run on Tuesday’s from four.”

From four? That was perfect! The time that I close the cafe... This was great I could accompany him!

“If I put him in for this do I get to watch?”

She nodded, “Absolutely, for some swimmers we advise a family member or friend to sit and watch.” She smiled, “You’re even allowed to help him in the pool!”

My smile grew, this sounded great! Lovi would love this, I could really help him and he’d be in a class where everyone was on his level! I was scared that he’d not enjoy formal lessons because of the advanced students he’d see... Lovi did seem to be the envious type.

I clutched the pamphlet tight in my hand, “He’ll be please to hear this! Do I book now?”

She smiled at the enthusiasm, “We don’t take bookings for this class, you show up and it’s six bucks for a lesson.” She smiled, “Many of our participants prefer it that way.”

This was almost relieving, this was going so well that I was about to get set for another disaster like the hot air balloon ride, which Francis and Gilbert were still trying to secure for me.

“Thanks a lot.” I smiled, “I’ll turn up with him on Tuesday!”

She laughed, “You do that! It’s it your father you’re here for?”

I frowned, caught off guard for a moment, “My...” Why would it be my dad? “Nope, it’s for a friend of mine, he’s unwell right now.”

She smiled, “That’s so cute! It’s really nice to see guys like you do that kind of thing for these people.”

I laughed, not quite getting where she was coming from, “Sure thing...” I said, hoping that fit in right.

She put her hand on mine for a second, “Okay well I’ll be here on Tuesday to get you both sorted and help you find the lesson.” She gave me a strange little coy smile, “I’ll remember you then.”

I shoved the pamphlet in my pocket, not really paying attention to it anymore. Why would she recognise me? Had I done something weird?

I just smiled, “Then I’ll see you then.” I confirmed and with another wave I left.

Ticking an item off was within my grasp!

**.oO0Oo.**

“To be honest I don’t really wanna fucking look at that thing. Seriously.”

“I just have a few questions! Please, Lovi?”

He had a sour face and made sure I knew he was reluctant but nodded, “What is it?”

I was sitting with his bucket list in my hands. Actually it was a photocopy of it- I didn’t want to damage the real copy. This one had things had things underlined and highlighted, things marked, words, scribbles all over it.

I had made sure to bring in the copy today to ask him a few questions. After my success in getting those swimming lessons planed I was suddenly on a high, a new burst of motivation spurring me on to think more about this list.

There were some items that were self explanatory. Karaoke? I’d sneak him into a bar on karaoke night in Newhurst where the night life was better. Movies and a pillow fort? I’d take him to my place for a while and we’d have a marathon of our favourites. They were the easy ones. Some of them I didn’t even really need to plan.

Others were different and if there was any chance of being part of helping him complete them I was gonna need some questions answered!

I leaned forward and smiled as he refused to look at the paper in my hand, “There’s this one... About paying back your Grandpa. What do you mean by that?”

“That’s the kind of thing you’re gonna ask!?” He hit me in the arm, “How is that confusing!?” He rolled his eyes, “It means what it says dumbass. Since I was literally seven he has worked like a machine to support me and hell knows it’s aged him about thirty years. I have to repay that, because if I were him I’d have left me in a ditch somewhere.”

I nodded slowly; I guess I could see how he felt. In fact, I understood why he saw things that way, I would too. I smiled, glad for a little more context, “You mean like paying money?” We wouldn’t be able to pay him a great sum, and nowhere near the amount Lovi’s Grandpa had put in for him, but there had to be something. “You want it to be money?” The wording of the list item implied this but that was written for his eyes. He could have meant it in a way that he didn’t bother explaining here!

Lovino looked somehow downcast, “I’m not sure. The damn old fart never takes money from people he’s too fucking proud. Hey, if he did there probably be flyers going around with a black and white picture getting people to donate money to a poor sad dying kid but instead he works himself to the bone.” He laughed, “So he probably wouldn’t take money.”

I was quiet for a second, “I don’t think I can really be part of this one.”

“What the hell? You backing out on me already?”

I laughed, “No! No...” I shifted from the chair onto the bed. He didn’t oppose this, lately he seemed to even like me sitting here. I used this angle to look into those doeful eyes, “This isn’t something I can be part of it’s really personal.”

He looked a little anxious, “Well what if I can’t do it on my own?!” He looked almost pleading, “This is the one I’m worried for!”

I gave a small chuckle and reached out to push his hair away from his face. He was so amazingly pretty, big eyes, small mouth and nose, rosy cheeks and soft olive skin, framed by crazy auburn hair. He was beautiful. I couldn’t stress it enough.

I tried to reassure him, “I’ll help you think of how to go this and make you satisfied but not much else. This is for you two, don’t you get it? What would it be like if I tagged along? Think about that.”

He still looked unsettled but he did seem to see where I was coming from.

I continued, “He’s your family, Lovi. Whatever you do for him will be amazing.”

He rubbed the side of his face, “I just don’t wanna leave him feeling like it wasn’t worth it. Shut up. What’s the next damn question, come on.”

I looked to the paper and rested my finger on another item, “What does ‘spend all weekend having a good time’ mean?”

There was no reply at first so I turned to face him. Obviously he didn’t feel like this warranted a question!

“What?” I laughed, what was that look!?

He rolled his eyes, “’Tonio, usually they like foreigners like us over here better when they have basic understanding of fucking English!”

I laughed again, “I can read it! But what were you thinking of?”

“It means what it says!”

I still wasn’t getting it, “Are you talking like a vacation here?” Was he implying he wanted a weekend away?

“No!” He slapped his hand to his forehead, “Just a good time for one whole weekend. No lazy afternoons or going to bed at normal times...”

I narrowed my eyes; it was coming a little clearer but still... “Why don’t you talk me through the perfect scenario? If this were the ideal weekend, what would you do?”

He sat back as he considered this. He looked a little less agitated now!

He started to speak after a minute, “Y’know how they show in movies, how on the Friday night you just forget about time and lose control until the very end of the weekend? You sleep at odd times but you never come to a standstill. And you go out to a bar then you decide to go to a strip club, who cares if you can’t stand them? Before you know it, it’s three in the morning but shit, the clubs are still going. You’re all about to pass out but you don’t go home and spend the rest of the weekend sitting on your ass, you hit McDonalds for breakfast and keep going. Maybe you crash at someone’s house and half of you fall asleep but there are video games and water pistols in the back yard. You keep going and going.” He looked at me, “You get it?”

I’d take him to see Francis and Gilbert and we’d do that there. His little description sounded like some of my nights during my high school days!

I grinned, “So an all nighter?”

“No!” He yelled out so loudly and kneeled forward like he had been offended, “No fucking way! Don’t call it that!”

I looked at him, stunned, “Lovino, why?”

He glared, “Call it that and you make me think of a bunch of twelve year olds, sitting in their mom’s living room with the T.V on, wearing stupid spongebob pyjamas and a plastic bowl in their lap full of fucking liquorish and mint humbugs, swearing they’ll be up all night as they speak in stupid fucking whispers so they don’t wake anyone as they talk shit about their science teacher and watch the eleven pm showing of Corey in the House.”

I listened in astounded bewilderment as he chattered on. He finished with a huff and I couldn’t help but laugh. I put my hand over my mouth, this wasn’t the reaction he wanted but I couldn’t help it! He was just so crazy!

“What!?” He kicked my harshly with his heel, “Shut up!”

I put a hand up, “You’re so funny!!”

He flipped me off, “Quit saying that jackass! Go fuck yourself! You always laugh!”

I reached out and pulled him under one arm, “That’s because you’re a really funny guy!” I hugged him to my chest, “You say the strangest things!”

He head butted my chest and squirmed out, “You’re a fucking strange person.”

I leaned back and gazed at him, “I know.” I thought back to his spiel, “So you don’t want it to be an all nighter?”

He sighed, distraught, “I do, but don’t call it that!” He rolled his eyes again, “I want to think of something cool and spontaneous not something planned six weeks in advanced so everyone’s mom’s can okay it and even its shit because the scary movies turn out to be a Halloween episode of Ned’s declassified school survival guide and then some little bitch called Samuel has to be picked up because his candy ass can’t take the stories about clown statues.”

 I shook my head and held back more laughter, “Lovi, something tells me you never really liked sleepovers as a kid.”

He shrugged, “It was when I still thought friends were an option and I happened to wind up with the losers.”

I grinned, “We’ll make this one awesome, Lovi! You’ll see!” I would definitely take him out of here; me, him, Gilbert, and Francis all hanging out like that was a recipe for an interesting time!

He put his hands behind his head, “Don’t think I’m some kind of party animal.” He told me in a voice which was a lot more grounded, “I prefer movie nights with comfort and warmth and shit, but I just wanna try this. I’ve never really had that sort of ‘good time’.”

“I get it.” I assured him, “But you’ll get that too, remember?”

He nodded slowly, and could I detect a small smile? “What’s the next question?” He snapped his fingers and brought back his cold grouchiness.

“I...” I scanned down the list, the neat handwriting by my own spiky print. I looked at the one about falling asleep happy. I hadn’t written anything next to this one. It was like my mind! It was totally blank! I knew what it meant but still managed to boggle me.

Did I bring it up? It meant what it meant. I guess I didn’t have any questions that weren’t me prying.

“That’s it!” I folded the note back over. I didn’t bring it up. I just had to help him be happy, despite being so confused as I wondered how one earth there couldn’t be _one_ , just _one night_ that he fell asleep in a good mood, “I better be going soon...” This was true; we opened sooner rather than later.

“Then go.” He nodded to the door, “Bye.”

I frowned; he was always so cold when I was leaving him each day, “Do you hate it when I leave?”

He barked a laugh, “Fuck no! I love it. I have shit to do.”

I stood up and grabbed my bag, tilting my head, “What do you do, Lovi?”

He crossed his arms and shrugged, “Party because you left.”

That got a smile, “I miss you too!” I laughed as I patted his head.

“Don’t touch me.” He batted my hand away.

I looked down to him, “You know I don’t like leaving you alone either... I just have a silly thing called work to get to.”

“Whatever, I’m saying go!” He looked up at me, “Go fuck yourself.”

I wanted to reach out and touch that messy hair again but he was too tense. We just looked at one another, my soft eyes meeting his big doe ones. There was a moment of calmness between us, neither of us spoke, nor wanted to. His for just this fleeting second didn’t seem to have any venom or malice... It was almost longing between us. I wanted to stay with him and he wanted me to stay. I wanted to take him out of here and I knew he wanted to go. There was some kind of infinite closeness in that one look, which probably lasted a lot less time than it felt.

“What’re you looking at?” There was the irritation again! He looked away and the spell was broken.

I gave a small groan, “I wanna stay!”

He turned over, “Go do your job, you bum!”

I chuckled and with that I headed out, “Have fun partying now that I’ve left!” I called back to him.

There was only silence from his room, but I didn’t have to turn around a middle finger was being directed at me.

**.oO0Oo.**

I totally forgot to mention I was taking him to the pool!

This struck me as I was making dinner at home, I didn’t know how it even came to me, I wasn’t really thinking about him so much, but it crossed my mind so suddenly I even gave a loud gasp.

I slapped my forehead and wondered how I could have forgotten to mention it. I mean, I had been so excited about it!

I turned the heat off under my pan and thought about how I was gonna remember to tell him tomorrow, I had to mention it soon or I’d be giving him too much of short notice.

Maybe I could have written myself a note? I would probably forget to look at that too!

Or I could have texted him...

I decided that’d be best, do it while it was on my mind and get it so I didn’t have worry about it. I’d text him the moment dinner was done.

...

So it turned out that I also forgot to send him that text until it was almost eleven and I was watching TV.

How could I forget again! This was crazy!

I reached out to grab my phone so fast that I almost fell from couch; I swiped it up and started to scroll through my contacts. He wouldn’t be asleep; Lovi was a night owl and laughed at me once for telling him that my bedtime was before midnight.

I found his name and entered into messages... There were so many of them. I wasn’t sure when it started but he and I didn’t really just use each other’s numbers to talk about visiting times anymore. I probably started but we just texted all the time these days. Some nights I was just glued to my phone- I never realised how bad my battery was until now. Our conversations were anything and everything. Some of it was deep, some of it really wasn’t but there didn’t seem to a dull moment.

He was funny, interesting, sharp, and sweet. He must have seen something in me too because some nights he even texted first.

I couldn’t keep the smile away. I scrolled up and down for a while. There were long texts, short ones, and everything in between on both sides. It really warmed me.

My thumb slowly slipped down to the call button. Did I ring him up? I didn’t think he’d really mind. It’d be nice to hear his voice.

I pressed the green button and raised the phone to my ear as I listened to it ring.

On the third ring he picked up, “What?”

“Lovino? It’s me.” I lay on my back, staring at the ceiling and put a cushion over my chest and held onto it.

“I know, your dumb picture came up, it was fucking hard to miss.” He sounded mad but I knew better than to believe he was. If he really didn’t want to talk to me he’d have rejected my call or hung up by now.

I chuckled lightly; my voice was soft as I started to feel a little sleepy, at ease with his voice, “What are you doing right now?”

“Now now?” There was a short pause, “Watching a movie on TV.”

I nodded even though he couldn’t see me and closed my eyes, “What one?”

I could hear him readjust himself, “’Pretty Woman.’”

“Oh I love that one!” I smiled to myself.

“Yeah.” He sighed, “Me too.”

There was another moment of silence but neither of us ended the call. I lay back imagining him sitting in bed, the room dark aside from the TV.

“Sorry,” I finally spoke again, “Am I distracting you from it?”

His voice lost the grouchiness, “No... It’s in an ad break.”

“Why do you love it so much?”

“Probably same reason as you.”

“I love it because it’s so romantic.”

“Then I’m right. I love it for that too.”

“Lovino likes romantic things?”

“Che. Believe it or not.”

I gave another light chuckle, “What part are you at?”

 He gave a light content sigh, “The bit when he takes her to the hotel for the first time.”

“Oh that’s almost the start... You’ve got it all to look forward too.”

“That’s right.”

“That’s the start of something really beautiful.”

“... Yeah.” He paused, “Yeah it really is.”

Another silence. I almost didn’t want to change the subject, but soon his movie would come back one and I couldn’t keep him on the line.

“Hey listen,” I began, “Can you be ready to jump in my car at four on Tuesday? I’m taking you to the pool.”

“The pool? Are you taking me to swim?”

I smiled, “We’re teaching you how to swim, I found some lessons that teach guys your age the basics and it’s one where I can even come in the pool with you to help.” I explained.

There was silence on the other end of the phone. I flashed the screen at my face and saw it was still calling him... Had he fallen asleep?

“Hello?” I tried.

“I’m here.” He confirmed, “I... You’re really following through with this?”

He still thought that I wasn’t taking his list seriously? “Yes, Lovi, just like I promised.”

Another long silence.

“I’ll be there.” He told me at last, “Tuesday at four.”

“Yeah. Is the movie starting again?”

“Just about to.”

“Then I’ll see you tomorrow, huh? Enjoy the movie.”

“I will.”

“Goodnight.”

“Night, ‘Tonio.”

I stayed on the line until there was a click and he hung up. I didn’t move from my spot there on the couch with my phone by my ear until the next morning. I fell asleep there; his voice had lulled me to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Don't forget to comment <3


	6. I'll Teach You How to Float- Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so hungover.  
> Here's the new chapter, please enjoy!

I think I was starting to irritate some of my later customers. First I had closed an hour early and now I had cleaned up and almost kicked anyone out who was still in there five minutes before closing time. I barely even said goodbye to Feli as I ran out the door, locking it and skidding over to the car and pretty much throwing myself in!

I had to get Lovino and get to the pool for his lesson at four... It was four at that moment.

But it'd be fine! We'd only be five minutes!

I didn't really have the best car, I wasn't really so fast. It was my father's first car, had three wheels and was once all pastel yellow but the paint had come off and the metal had rusted under so now it didn't look so pretty. It wasn't too speedy but it worked! All I really needed was for something to work- I had grown out of being a materialistic guy.

I still noticed myself occasionally slipping over the speed limit though as I tore around to the hospital. If he did as I told him to and was waiting outside, ready to jump into the car with everything he needed we'd be okay.

My prayers were answered as I approached; he was there like he said he would be with a bag over one shoulder. I slowed down and smiled at him through the dirty window as he swung the door open and got in quickly,

"Jesus fucking Christ." He breathed as he shoved the mess from his seat onto the floor, "Hey 'Toni have you ever cleaned this thing?"

I smiled as he sat down and fumbled for his seatbelt, "Hey, Lovi!" I smiled as I watched him.

"You have a kid's wooden bow and arrow play set!" He kicked at something by his feet narrowing his eyes, "What the hell for?" He glanced at me as I watched him with his seat belt, "Drive, jackass!"

"But-!" I looked between him and the road quickly, "Come on, you're not strapped in!"

He shoved my head so I would turn to the road, "I'm doing it! I don't want us to be late, go!

Reluctantly I put my foot down again and set off as fast as my car and my conscious would let me, he was still messing with that seat belt, murmuring darkly under his breath before giving up and letting go.

"Lovi! Safety first!" I insisted.

He just gripped at his head rest behind him, "That fucking thing probably hasn't worked for a very long time, damn thing jams!"

"Lovino..." I looked quickly to the seat belt; he hadn't tried very hard...

He rolled his eyes, "Look, just don't crash. Besides were almost there." He nodded ahead

I bit my lip and sighed as I let it go... He needed to learn caution as well as swimming, but we needed to get to that lesson. We needed to be there right now!

I parked best I could in the rush, but probably didn't do it too well... Actually that was a definite, Lovi even snorted as he looked over his shoulder as I ushered him to the leisure centre doors.

He slung his bag over his shoulder as I tried to get him to move faster,

"Come on, Lovi! Come on!" I was bouncing around him as he refused to turn his quick walk into a run.

"I'm going!" He insisted, "I don't wanna look like a fucking idiot running through the damn parking lot."

I grinned for a second and suddenly, without warning scooped him up and over my shoulder, holding onto his legs.

Of course, he protested straight away as I started to jog. His fists thumped at my back and he exploded into a loud of shouts and curses,

"'Tonio! What the fuck!? Put me down!" He tried to wriggle out of my grip, "You bastard! What the hell do you think you're doing!?" He thumped at my back a little more.

I bumped his hip with my head playfully, "We needed to walk a little faster!" I slowed as the automatic doors slid open, "Now we're going in so can you maybe use your inside voice?"

He seemed to do as I said but still hissed, "This is bullshit." kneeing me in the chest, making me give a little cough as I looked around. That girl who talked to me said she'd be around, right?

She popped her head up from under the desk. There she was! She must have been filing something down there!

"Hey!" I called over to her, grabbing her attention as I approached with Lovi still hanging over my shoulder. He had gone limp, making himself as heavy as possible for me- but I was stronger than he thought!

She spotted me and even stood up as she smiled, "I remember you!" Wow, I didn't think that I deserved t be stood up for, but she looked really excited to see me.

I gave her a wave as I approached the desk, "Sorry we're a little late."

"Don't worry." She reassured me, "Lesson starts in a few minutes yet..." She clicked around on the screen of her computer, knowing already what I was here for, "Did your friend arrive already?"

"My friend?" She meant Lovino? Couldn't she see the guy hanging over my shoulder, "Oh, no... This is him!" I turned my back and let her see the angry Italian who I was carrying.

"Help me, he won't let go!" Lovi pleaded as he came to life again.

She didn't seem to pay attention to what he said but now looked a little pale, "This guy is the one you came for?"

I patted Lovi's legs, "This is the guy..." She looked like a rabbit in the headlights all of a sudden. Was there something wrong with him?

She swallowed and spoke slowly, "I-" she stammered and cleared her throat, "I'm sorry- um..." She blinked a few times and blew out air quickly, "That'll be s-six dollars, and it's a quarter to use the lockers..."

I let go of Lovi's legs to fumble around for my wallet, which suddenly got him to react again,

He gasped as the safety of my arms around his legs left him and suddenly gripped my shirt, "Antonio! What the hell are you doing!? Fuck, I'm gonna fall!" He clawed at my back and grabbed my head, his fingers knotting into my hair.

I tried to focus on counting out money as he scrambled around; the poor girl in front of us was totally bewildered!

"Hang on Lovi, just a second, 'kay?" I looked up, "I don't have any change, mind if I give you a dollar for a few quarters?"

In the end I was able to pass her a ten and she gave me a quarter in the change. I did that even with Lovi squirming all over me- it was more impressive than it sounds!

"Good luck!" She gave me a shaky smile, "You should, um, know that these guys are very, uh, welcoming of everyone, okay?"

I gave her a nod and pocketed my change, not bothering with putting it in my wallet, it would just cause fuss, "Thanks!"

"I got you again." I reassured him as I gripped him again, letting his fears of falling subside.

"Can you just fucking put me  _down_?"

I laughed, "But this is so fun! And you're as light as a kitten!"

That earned me another hit on the back, "I look freaking dumb!" He paused as we left earshot of the lady who served us, "She wanted your dick."

I almost stumbled as I headed down stairs to the changing rooms, "Lovi!" I reprimanded, "That's not true!"

He used my shirt to push his upper body up a little, "Yeah it is, I wasn't even facing her half the time but you'd have to be blind and deaf not to see how all over you she was. Or just stupid, like you, dumbass."

I blushed a little and finally put him down in front of a changing cubical, "She was just being polite!"

He raised one brow and folded his arms, "Cause wanting your cock in her mouth is really polite." He rolled his eyes, "Is great customer service having someone deep throat you?"

I covered my face with my hands, if I wasn't red before, I sure was now, "Lovi, please!" I couldn't deal with this! "You need to get changed!"

He sniggered, " _Si_ ,  _si_." He moved into his changing room and locked the door leaving me to get into and try to recover in mine.

I yanked off my shirt that now looked a little stretched from Lovi's antics, but I guess I brought that on myself. I checked the time, we'd be fine, we might not be able to warm up to the water like the others would but the lesson wouldn't be starting without us!

I was in my underwear when Lovi spoke again calling out through the plastic wall separating us, "'Tonio?" His voice echoed and hit off the walls in the tiny space.

"Hm?" I wriggled out of my under pants and looked for my swim shorts in my bag.

He sighed, "Okay, so maybe she doesn't do that stuff so soon, but that girl definitely liked you. She was flirting with you a whole lot..." He paused and I could hear the quiet shuffling of him next door, "What did you think of her?"

I smiled softly to myself, "Sorry if you wanted me to get with her, I couldn't really go out with her or anything."

I pulled up my trunks as he considered this, but instead of a response, the next sound I hears was him unlocking his door and shoving stuff into a locker, "You done yet?"

I gathered my clothes and bag, "Yeah!" I quickly joined him and we both crammed out stuff into one locker. I laughed as I looked at the way we just shoved things in, "By the time we come back, these are all gonna be crumpled!"

"Whatever, we deal with that later." He nodded to the coin slot, "Hurry up and put the coin in!"

I pushed the coin in and locked our stuff away, pinning the key to my shorts, "There we go."

Only then did I look up and lay my eyes on him.

Oh my goodness...

He was just so amazingly attractive- it was so hard to put into words! In his swim shorts I was just given an incredible view of how long and slender his legs were, his neat little tucked in waist, his narrow shoulders and flawless expanse of chest. This should have been illegal! He didn't even seem to be aware of it as he put one hand on his hip and stood like some sort of model! I couldn't get enough!

Luckily he didn't notice me staring; he seemed to be looking directly at my torso... What was up with that? Were my shorts too low? I didn't think I looked bad but he kept looking there with his brow slightly furrowed.

I coughed, tearing my eyes away from his smooth skin, "Lovi, are you okay? Are you spacing out?"

He blinked and his head jerked up suddenly, "What? I didn't know you were religious."

"Huh?"

"T-The necklace."

I looked down again and spotted my silver cross necklace hanging at my sternum. That's what he was staring at! I must have gotten so used to having it on that I didn't realise he was looking at it!

I smiled and wrapped my fingers around the tiny cross, "My family is Catholic," I explained, "I'm not so devout but I still like to keep that part of me close." I let it go and let the crucifix hang.

He nodded, "I get it. My family's the same."

Now we walked together, having our little episode of him looking at my chest resolved, "You're Catholics too?" I smiled widely, "That's great! So is one of my waiters!"

He shrugged, "It's okay, I guess. I'm not so into it anymore since I'm fucking dying at age nineteen and stuff."

I frowned, "That doesn't make you wanna believe in it more?"

He stretched out as we approached the showers, "No. Don't say I should to keep my positive about death because I don't see how believing in some guy who  _chose_  to end me is gonna fill me with joy."

It was a quick shower in comfortable slice before we headed to the pool.

Ah.

There might have been just a  _little_  mix up. More like a miscommunication...

"'Tonio..." Lovio asked in a worryingly calm voice before turning to me, "Why the hell is everyone else  _old_!?"

He was right... Except us and the enthusiastic instructor Lovi and are were probably the only ones by the pool under the age of sixty! They were all elderly, this was never mentioned!

"I never expected this!" I turned to him quickly and insisted.

"What the fuck kind of lesson is this!?" He hissed, even standing on his toes so that he could get closer to my face.

I put my hand up to my forehead, desperately scanning the room for a sign that this wasn't exclusively old ladies and men, "This... I didn't plan this!"

He snorted, "What did you sign us up for? Classes for the about to die?!"

I winced at that morbid jab, "It was..." What was it called again, "This is the Basics for Seniors class!"

Oh.

Lovi immediately got what I had missed until now, "For  _seniors_!" He emphasised, "Seniors! Senior  _citizens_!" He repeated just to make sure I really got it.

So this perhaps explained why that girl at the counter asked if the person I was asking for was my father...

It might have also been why she looked so freaked out when she realised that Lovi was the guy I had come for...

This revelation actually explained quite a lot. In fact, the encouragement that I join Lovi in the pool was probably because it was expected that Lovi was gonna be a frail old man! However, I seemed to be the only one accompanying a student here...

He pursed his lips together for a moment, scowling out at the pool,

"I'm sorry, Lovi... But we can have fun, right?" I took his wrist, "Come on; let's get in!"

He looked up suddenly and jerked his head to a space behind me, "Incoming."

"Hm?" I let go and turned quickly to see the blonde young female instructor with big green eyes and a smile that had probably got stuck on her face because of her job coming over.

"Hey guys..." She sounded apologetic, "I'm sorry, the pools closed for a lesson, it'll open again for the public at six if you want to come back then, okay?"

I laughed, "Actually..." I patted Lovi's bare shoulder, "We're here for the lesson! This is Basics for Seniors, right?"

She blinked, looking between us, trying to figure out which one of us was meant to be old.

"There was a little mix up upstairs," I explained, "But we're still up for it right?" I looked to Lovi...

... He didn't look convinced.

"I'm not." He shoved my hand away and started to skulk back to the changing rooms.

What?

I smiled lightly at the instructor, "I'm sorry, you can start, we'll join you in a minute!" I left her and chased after the tiny Italian, "Lovi? Lovi!"

He stopped when I put my hand on him, "What!?" He snapped as he turned back to me.

I took both of his arms in mine and spoke in a soft gentle voice, "Hey now... What're you doing walking away?" The chirpy voice of the instructor echoed through the room... After all that, we didn't make the lesson on time.

He gave a gruff sigh, "This is the wrong fucking lesson."

I gave him a soft smile, "Don't you wanna learn to swim?" When that got nothing back but him glaring at the floor tiles I took another approach, "Why do you want to learn so much that you put it on your bucket list?"

He bit his lip for a second before deciding to tell me, "Because when people swim slowly it looks like their flying. I wanna go underwater and swim under the surface because it'll feel like I'm in space, I'll get swim goggles and be able to see what it's like to swim under water and my hair would go all floaty like a fucking merman's and I wouldn't feel so heavy..." He gave my shoulder a light punch, "It just looks really fucking cool, okay?!"

"Okay." I loved his response, it was so pure and lovely, "But don't you get that you can almost  _do_  that stuff now for real?" I watched his expression, "It's in your grasp isn't it?"

He looked up and over to the pool where the instructor was giving out foam floats, "I guess. I don't wanna do it with a bunch of old people!"

I laughed, "Why not? Old people are really nice! You'll probably be the best in the class too..." I nudged him playfully, "How does that sound?"

He looked at me and I could detect a small smile... He was warming up to the idea!

He still wasn't totally convinced, "I'll look fucking stupid."

I cupped his face in my hands and got him to look at me, squeezing his cheeks slightly, "No you won't! You'll look fine!"

He sighed, but I knew I had him, I clenched my palms victoriously, "They'll laugh."

"Don't be silly, you know that's not true."

He looked at me for a long moment before grabbing my arm and leading me back to the pool, "Teach me how to float like you can, bastard."

"Okay, Lovi." I told him gently and waved at the instructor who noticed us coming back, "Can you get in the pool?"

He nodded and slowly used the steps so lower himself into the water, "Ah! Cold..." He muttered but kept going until he was standing in the shallow end and I joined him.

He put his arms around him, trying to warm himself and I pinched his ear, congratulating him on taking these first steps. He pushed my hand away and looked around with those big eyes, making sure that no one was talking about us.

The pretty blonde instructor stopped in her instructions, "Now, everyone, we've got someone new with us today, guys would you like to introduce yourselves?"

Lovi looked at me but I just smiled back, "You do it, this is your thing." I reminded him.

Slowly he turned back to look at the group who were all looking at expectantly. None of them looked like they were judging Lovi, even if they did look a little surprised! This was gonna go great!

"I'm Lovino." He said in a voice loud and clear enough to echo in the huge room, "And this weirdo with me is Antonio." He smiled, it was angelic! "It's nice to meet you all."

"Hello!" I added, just to make sure they knew I was friendly.

She smiled sweetly, "It would be nice if you could all get the chance to practise what we're going over, but if you could go say hi to these guys sometime!" She paused, "You all remember what we were doing last week? That's right! We're learning to stay afloat, we've been  _treading water_. But this time let's try it  _without the floats_! Okay? I'll be right here, talking to our new comers, so just call me over, got it?"

There was collective agreement and Lovi and I were beckoned over... I guess it was time to do some swimming!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, please review


	7. I'll Teach You How to Float - Part Two

"Not quite like that Lovino, you're going too fast!"

"I'll sink!"

Lovi's voice was strained as he thrashed in the water, trying to stay afloat. He was certainly making sure he didn't sink, but he was already running out of breath after only around ten seconds of treading water.

Our instructor, her name was Femke, was trying her best-she really was! But no matter how much she trying to get him to slow down, she couldn't convince him.

"You saw me do it!" I reminded him, "I was moving really slow and I was fine, remember?"

He just gave a small snort, "Yeah but you're so damn tall that you'd be able to stand up if you sank!"

Femke gave a small sigh, "Lovino, you're fine, Antonio and I are _right_  here to grab you if you sink..." She gave him a warm smile, "You'll be fine- you'll see! The water is thicker than you think."

He gripped onto my shoulders suddenly, "Okay. Fine." He shot a look me and I returned some nods of encouragement, "Just let me catch my breath."

Femke looked relieved to hear Lovi listen to instruction, "Great, how about you practise that there while I go see Rodger over there, alright? Then you can show me how great you're doing!"

His eyes widened, but before Lovi could say anything, Femke was gone,

"Wait!" He called out, "What if I sink!? You need to save me!"

I laughed and rubbed his back, "I can save you!"

He looked at me with one eyebrow raised in scepticism, "As if I trust you. You probably couldn't even save your own ass."

"That hurts!" I teased and got ready to draw away from him, "Hey, you okay to give this another try?"

He was quiet there and just gave a solemn nod, "I guess." He sounded meek now.

"Just keep pushing up, but  _slowly_." I gave his upper arm a light squeeze.

"I know,  _si_ , I get it!" He scowled at me, "If I drown I will end you."

I laughed, "Then I better not let that happen... I'm pulling away from you now."

"Do whatever you want."

I slowly pushed him away to arms length before finally losing contact. He didn't even seem to notice when I was backing away from him, he was too busy concentrating on moving his arms and legs how Femke did when she showed him how to do it.

My smile grew... He was doing it! He was swimming! Sure, he wasn't going anywhere, he wasn't doing a stroke and we still had more to do, but look at him! He was swimming on his own! He was going nice and slow too, he didn't even look like he was even close to breathless.

I clasped my hands together and looked over to Femke, wishing her to come see this.

I looked back to Lovi; he was still going, even now! It was amazing!

He suddenly seemed to notice that I wasn't beside him. This wasn't good, "'Tonio!" He barked over, "What the hell are you doing all the way over there?! Fu-"

He suddenly seemed to lose what he was doing, he was under! His hand came up, grabbing at air but slipped back under water, not doing anything.

I waited a second, was he gonna be okay? Was he...? No, okay, I decided that he wasn't able to get back up himself.

I had to rescue him!

I took a deep breath and swooped under the water. The chlorine stung my eyes but there he was; he was flailing around down there so much little bubbles were everywhere, he was moving too erratically to go anywhere- I guess he was panicking.

I just used one powerful stroke to grab him, he need back up now! He was running out of air!

I brought him up, right to the edge of the pool and sat him on the side as he gasped, scrubbing at his eyes before starting to cough and splutter.

His coughing fit was so intense, there was a moment that he really looked like he might puke, but after a little while he was just breathing deeply, blinking the water from his eyes.

I was leaning on the side of the pool next to him, looking at him with concern.

"Why..." He tried before swallowing and starting again, "Why did you wait so long to come get me!?"

Maybe waiting around to see if he was able to resurface himself wasn't a great idea. It was actually pretty mean of me... He had barely learned to stay up!

"I'm sorry." I told him sincerely.

He rubbed at his eyes some more, the pool chemicals probably stung him bad, "I thought I was gonna drown!"

He didn't sound so much angry as he did upset and scared. He'd be okay in a minute but I still felt bad for not grabbing him the moment he lost control.

"Hey, what's going on? Are you guys okay?" Femke was back, looking between us.

"We just had a little scare." I explained as Lovi sulked, "He might need a few minutes. But you should have seen him!" I lit up, "He was really doing it!"

"That's great! Nice and slow right?" She looked to Lovi who nodded, "Didn't you notice a difference in how relaxed it was? See if you're thrown into water and can't really get out, it'll do you a huge favour if you're  _controlled_."

Lovi cleared his throat again, "Then this dickwad let me drown half to death." He added and gave me cold look.

Femke pushed herself up onto the side next to Lovino, "Are you okay? I didn't see what happened."

Lovi looked at his hands at that; I don't think he expected to be taken so seriously. Femke put her arm around his slender shoulders, and looked at him intently, "You take a minute, okay? But Antoinio says you were doing so great!"

Lovi was blushing a little. I smiled at that and pinched his big toe under that water. He hadn't expected his usually angry ways to be reacted to this way! I usually laughed it all off, never taking it seriously and his family were probably used to it... He barely saw other people! Femke had to take him seriously, it was her job, and it was clear how much it threw the poor guy off! He was embarrassed!

"I wasn't under that long..." He explained in a voice that was a little softer than usual, "I just didn't realise when 'Tonio had let go and I was surprised and I..." She shrugged, "You get it."

Femke let him go and slipped back into the water, "Sure thing. You think you'll be okay for the rest of the lesson, sweetie?"

He looked up, pushing soaked hair from his eyes, "I'll be fine in a minute, I can do it."

Femke put a hand on my shoulder and leaned into my ear, "Tell me if you think he needs a medic, okay?"

I smiled and nodded, "Sure, but I think he overreacted... He got a fright, we really just need a little break."

She drew back, "Alright, good luck you boys! In ten or so minutes I'm calling you all back and we're gonna try moving in the water! Just a heads up!"

With that she left us to it. I turned to Lovi again and put my hands on his knees, "You feel a little better yet?"

I don't know why I expected him to be as calm as he was with Femke, "I'm still trying to cope with my damn near death experience!"

I patted his hands that rested on his lap, "I saved you didn't I?"

He rolled his eyes, "Took you long enough." He gave a little distressed sigh then and I looked to his face, "Why did you let me stay under there so long?"

"What? It was just a split second!" I defended myself, "I wanted to see if you could help yourself."

"I clearly couldn't!"

"I know, I said I'm sorry. I just got excited because you were already getting places! I think you're a natural in the water!"

He blushed a little again at praise, "Chill the fuck out. I just did one really basic thing which took two people to teach me."

"You're doing really great." I told him with all the sincerity I had. Despite this hiccup, I think he was having a pretty good time too!

He gripped the edge of the pool and slipped back into the water, "I don't feel very graceful." He admitted to me.

"That'll come." I let him grip my arm as he found his bearings in the water, "You get graceful when you're confident and know how to work the water."

He furrowed his brow, "Work it?"

I nodded enthusiastically, "Yeah, you know..." I thought about how to explain as he seemed to grow more confused, "Like you know how to manipulate it and move around underwater..." I didn't think he was really getting this; it was more of an experience, "I'll just show you sometime!"

"Sometime? Now?"

"Not right now," I patted his head, I liked that earnest answer, "You need to do your thing right now!"

"You better not let me go under again." He said sharply.

I laughed gently, "Don't worry! I've learned my lesson." I winked as he pushed away from the wall.

I still had both of his hands, he was slowly kicking under water, and the focus was back.

"Hey..." I murmured to him as I let go of one hand, "I think that lady over there is looking at us."

"Huh?" He managed to look where I was looking, where a little old woman was looking over to us.

I smiled over at her, she seemed sweet, "She might wanna come and say hello..." I glanced at him, wondering what a lovely old lady would make of Lovi's crassness. She'd probably get an awful surprise given how innocent this kid looked, "Be nice to her." I chided him.

"Be nice?" He repeated with a snort, "What? Do you take me for an asshole?"

"Well-"

But before I could explain how his language might sound to this lady he was already tugging my arm, "Take me over to her."

I hesitated but decided to do as he asked, I mean, if he wanted to speak to her, it would to be nice, right?

I helped him over and studied him as we approached... He was smiling! He was smiling really sweetly!

The lady blinked as she realised as it was her we were approaching, "Hey, you having fun?" Lovi asked, gripping the edge of the pool.

Wow... Was it just me or had his whole voice changed to sound a whole lot more nice?

"Oh, sorry!" The lady gave a small laugh, "You probably think I'm a rude old hag for staring!"

Lovi laughed, "No way! I love it when pretty girls look at me! What's your name, ma'am?"

I was watching him in awe as he governed his tongue in a way I never even knew he could! He was so charming, even cute,

"Just call me Aggie." She replied, she looked like she'd just won the lottery, her cheeks all flushed, "I was wondering what brings a young boy like you to come to join all us old foggies!" She laughed and Lovi smiled brightly,

"You mean you're not twenty-one?" So easy. He could compliment people so easily! I was dumfounded, I couldn't even join the conversation!

She laughed and put a hand to her face, "Stop it you!"

Wasn't he supposed to be really freaked out about people noticing he was different?

"How's it going for you?" He actually made an effort to keep a conversation going?! I'm pretty sure my jaw was slack by now.

"Very well! Isn't this class good? There's no pressure, I can do what we were taught and I can move on now... I like that very much." She really was a lovely little lady, if anyone deserved to see this side of Lovi it was her.

Lovi nodded, "Yeah! I didn't really expect this; I didn't really know what the class was going to be like but this is really nice, it's got a good atmosphere." Of course he didn't miss the opportunity to be a little flirty, "And I get to meet people like you."

She batted him on the shoulder with a bony hand, "Keep that up and my big head will sink me!" She scolded lightly.

Lovi laughed, "Well it was so nice talking to you, but I think we're being called back." Lovi nodded over to Femke who had her hand raise to signify she wanted to bring the group together.

"I won't keep you any longer!" Aggie winked and left us.

I immediately grabbed Lovi by the shoulders, "What was that?" I asked with disbelief.

He snorted and shrugged me off, "You think I can't be nice? I can, just not to you." He smirked, obviously taking pride in his ability to confuse me so much.

We gathered around Femke and I watched Lovi's face become tense as he listened to how to swim. Femke wasn't teaching strokes yet, Lovi would just doggy paddle. He was taking small steps, but I still certain Lovo was gonna be a natural at this. Besides, the guy was so strong willed, Lovi would learn to swim with grace before we knew it.

**.oO0Oo.**

"Come on one more time?" I tried to encourage him, no matter how many times we tried to get him to stay afloat; Lovino would sink like a stone. He was getting pretty distressed over it.

At least he wasn't grabbing at me anymore; Lovi had become so comfortable treading water that he didn't even need to think about it! But that was old news to him now. He wanted to move around, he wanted to swim!

"I can't do it, okay!?" His frustration was clear, we had been doing this for a whole hour, but each time he tried to move and paddle he would just  _sink_! He sank every single time.

I sighed as I tried to think again of ways to get his morale up, "That's what you said about the last thing!" I pointed out, "And look at you now!"

He hit his forehead with the heel of his palm, I wasn't helping him, in fact he was just getting even more upset... He looked like he might cry...

"I could do that as soon as I worked out how!" He was right there, once he slowed, he had it straight away.

I took both his hands even though he didn't need me to; I wanted the contact to remind him I was there for him... Or something like that! "You just need to figure out how to do this like you did before..."

He closed his eyes for a second, "I'm doing it  _exactly_  like we were shown!" He hit the water harshly, "You know what? Fuck this; some people have even left so just take me back to the hospital. I'm done."

My heart sunk, was he giving up now? "But you've been doing so well!" I blurted out.

He sighed and reached out to pull himself to the side of the pool, "Shut up!" He pushed himself up and out of the water, "I've been just sinking for an hour and I really don't want to do it anymore!"

"You're almost there!" I tried.

He really looked like he was about to tear up he swallowed, "Please just take me back."

I studied his face he even said 'please'... He maybe needed a break. He really wanted this but kept failing. He could calm down and try again next week.

I heaved myself up and out of the water and extended a hand to help him to his feet, "I'll take you to get dried off then I'll drive you back so you can curl up in bed for a few hours. How does that sound?  _Si_?"

He just nodded and took the help, getting up and letting me tell Femke we'd see her next week.

He was really just a big grumpy kid.

But I liked him for it.

**.oO0Oo.**

He didn't talk again until we were in the car. He still didn't have his seat belt on again so he was just curled up, wrapped in his Mickey Mouse towel with the seat leaned back as far as it would go as he watched out the window.

At first I even though he was asleep, that was until his soft voice sounded, "'Tonio?"

"Hm?"

He shuffled in his seat to look out the windscreen with me, "That receptionist girl did really like you." He told me again, "And you saw her, she was pretty. Femke was pretty too, she thought you were handsome even if she didn't wanna go on a date." He looked up and pressed his finger to a coffee stain that somehow got on the ceiling, "They're both so damn cutesy and your type... So..." I gripped the wheel tighter almost certain what was coming next, "So why wouldn't you go out with them?" He looked at me, "Have you got a girlfriend or something?"

I let out a long breath, "No... That's not it." I swallowed. I did wonder when this would be brought up.

"Then what's the problem?" He continued to look at me as kept my hold on the wheel firm.

I hesitated, but there was no point in hiding it, "I... I'm gay, Lovi."

It was like a warm flush went though me as I let the words out. I never really made my sexuality a big thing... But I did get nervous. How was he gonna react? He and I never discussed this sort of thing- it just hadn't come up!

He still hadn't replied. I was too anxious to look at his face.

"Th-That means I like gu-"

"I know what it means!" He looked out the window again, "I guess that makes sense."

I looked at him, just a glance, "Makes sense?" My mouth went a little dry. Had he been noticing how much I had been checking him out? Oh gosh... What if he thought I only wanted his body or something!? That wasn't it!

"With you not wanting to go out with those chicks." He gave a rough sigh, "Do you really fucking think I wouldn't be cool with it?"

I blinked, not really expecting that, "Huh?"

"Well calm the fuck down, you look like you're gonna shit yourself!" He even threw his towel at me, getting me to laugh a little, "My brother's gay too. It's  _fine_."

I swallowed and parked the car next to the hospital, "Really?"

He nodded, taking the towel back, "So is your type girls like that, but guys with dicks and stuff?"

"I-I" I hadn't really expected the conversation to take such a turn, "I don't really have one."

He paused, nodding lightly, "Am I your..." He started but trailed off. I looked at him, wondering where he was going with this but he didn't continue, "Never mind!" He exclaimed and rolled up his towel under his arm, "I'm leaving."

He half pushed, half kicked the car door open, "Later, jackass." He was out before I could even say goodbye, and was disappearing with his bag and towel towards the hospital.

I wondered if he really was okay with all this... He seemed to be but...

I also wondered what that last question was gonna be...

For some reason, I didn't think he'd be all that willing to share what he was about to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, please comment!!


	8. Double Vision

There was companionable silence between Feliciano and me as we prepared to close. The cafe was almost deserted now and I was wiping down the counters as he cleaned the coffee machine. The one final customer was keeping to himself by the window. I looked up at him; he was just watching the rain.

"So what's up after this?" I asked, in a voice soft enough not to disturb the last solitary customer.

"For me?" Feliciano turned around, from the coffee machine and threw the dirty cloth he had used into the trash, "I'm paying my brother a visit!" He smiled brightly, "He's in the hospital right now."

"The hospital?" That was where Lovi was right now, "That's bad, did he get hurt?"

Feliciano sighed and lowered his head, "I wish..." He looked at me again, "He's sick... He's very sick."

I knew how knowing a person like that felt, "Oh... I'm sorry." I said quietly and put an arm around him, "I've got a friend who's sick too." I told him. Feliciano had no idea about Lovi and I had never mentioned it. I guess until now it hadn't felt needed.

Feliciano attempted a sad smile, "It's pretty bad isn't it?"

I nodded, "I try not to think about it when I go see him."

Lost in our conversation, we didn't even notice our last customer on his way out until the little bell above the door tinkled and he was gone. Using the newspaper he was just reading as a shield against the downpour of rain.

I let Feliciano go from my supportive half hug and stretched out, before undoing my apron, "I guess that's closing time. Hey, want me to drive you to the hospital? It's raining hard."

Feliciano looked around. Pretty much all the cleaning had been done slowly in the last hour, "You don't have to!" He waved his arms around, "The water is our friend, Toni'!"

I laughed as he hurried to go and get our coats, "You say that but you'll just get a cold!"

He passed me my jacked and I slipped it on, pulling out my car keys, "Come on, the hospital isn't that far from my house."

Besides, I had driven there and back there to here so many times now that I could probably do it with my eyes closed!

"Well..." Feliciano looked out of the window and we both winced as thunder rumbled, "Thank you 'Toni'" He said meekly.

I just chuckled as we headed to the door.

**.oO0Oo.**

Feliciano watched the rain trickle down the windshield with a sigh; he was right- the weather was so depressing!

"You could probably come and meet my brother of you'd like." He told me as the hospital, looking like an especially ominous building today came into view.

I turned towards the car park, "Are you sure about that? I don't want to interrupt your private time."

Feliciano shook his head quickly, "Don't worry about that! He'd probably like to meet someone new! He doesn't get out often..."

I was quiet as I thought about it... If I felt bad I could always just go see Lovi- it'd probably be bad of me to be so close and not say hi to him anyway, "Well then sure! He won't mind?"

Feli giggled as he let himself out his side, "He'll love you!"

I decided that was a personal compliment!

The car was locked and Feliciano were passing through the automatic doors which we probably both knew all too well. I let him into the elevator first and stood back watching him select a floor.

I leaned forward the moment his finger tip made contact with the button, "Hey! That's the floor my friend's on!"

Wait did that mean Feliciano's brother was also terminal? That floor was pretty much just the ward for the terminally ill, Lovi loved to call it the ward to hell because the ones in it were on their last chapter.

I stopped talking then and just hoped that it wasn't true. Feli had never mentioned that his brother was dying... But he never really mentioned his brother at all- not this side anyway. I was told stories and advice he had given Feli but I didn't even know his name!

The elevator arrived and the doors parted. Feliciano smiled and beckoned me, but I pretty much knew how to navigate this floor now.

We passed door after door and I just followed behind Feli, looking at each one we were coming up to and trying to guess which one he was going to turn in to. They were all the same, the same blue door all of them were closed.

Then I saw the one that was different from the others.

I never actually bothered memorising Lovi's room number because it was so easy to recognise, he always left it open. Sometimes just a little, sometimes it was wide open.

His was right there, I wondered if I should poke my head in for a wave to him.

Feliciano slowed, he placed his hand on the handle of the slightly ajar door.

Wait! That was Lovi's room!

"Feli, hang-" I tried, reaching out to stop him. This couldn't be right!

" _Fratello_! Surprise!" Feliciano cried out as he entered.

...

No way!

I opened the door further, almost stumbling inside... And there was Lovi! Trying to prise off of him the arms of none other than... Feliciano!

That would mean... This was impossible!

I stood watching, shell shocked. Feliciano, my friend and my employee for years was Lovino's  _brother_!?

The brother who apparently worked too much that he could never visit was Feliciano. Feliciano's crazy brother who he'd mention was Lovino...

I blinked; I was starting to put it all together. They were both young Italians and now that they were so close...

How didn't I ever realise how alike they looked!?

Feliciano had the exact same slender physique... The same face with big eyes and a cute small mouth. His skin was paler but it was the same in the way it sun-kissed. It didn't stop there! They looked like twins! They even both had long eyelashes!

Of course, there were lots of differences too- but they just struck me as being so similar that I couldn't believe I missed it before! Lovi was taller; his eyes were dark green while his brother's (!) were hazel; Lovi's face was rounder and while Feliciano had some freckles across his nose, Lovino's skin was uninterrupted olive tan (except when he was flushing with anger).

It took a moment before Lovi's eyes landed on me as I stood across the room, too shocked to speak. Lovino seemed to freeze up so much that even Feliciano took notice.

"I better be so drugged up right now that one of you is a fucking hallucination." He looked between us.

Feliciano cast a look over to me, "Lovi! This is my boss!" He stood up straight, not seeming to notice how Lovi and I were fixed on each other in total awe.

"This is... Your brother?" I wasn't actually sure which of them I addressed the question to. I kept looking between them. I had known Feli for so long! How could Lovino be his brother!?

Lovino shifted and glared at me, "You better not know Feli well."

Feliciano looked bewildered, his eyes narrowing as he started to get it, "... Do you to know each other?"

Lovi snorted, "Unfortunately." He crossed his arms and continued to shoot daggers at me. I gave him a confused look... I know he liked to be so snappy, but now he looked genuinely mad...

"Lovino is..." I tore my eyes away from him to look at his brother, "He's the friend I was just talking about! He and I have been together a lot recently! Hasn't he told you how I took him swimming yesterday?"

Slowly, Feliciano shook his head. It was obvious he had no idea that this happened... Lovi hadn't mentioned me to his family even once?

"A-And, Lovi!" I continued, deciding no one needed to wait any longer to join all the dots, "I'm the owner of the cafe Feli works in... We see each other every day..."

Lovino's face crumpled a little, "That's just fucking perfect, isn't it?"

I didn't need to listen hard to that to know he didn't think this was perfect at all.

But how could this be bad? Didn't he want us to meet? Was he gonna keep me separate from the rest of his life that I'd never meet his family?

Feliciano hadn't even heard of me being around Lovino, "Lovi...  _Fratello_ , why didn't you tell me you were getting other visitors? Gramps and I were getting worried sick about you being all alone!"

That's right- this meant Feliciano was the brother that never visited because of work! I had to get to the bottom of that...

Lovi could only return a shrug, "I don't know." Was the mumbled replied, not looking at either of us.

Feliciano and I exchanged a confused look, "Didn't you ever want us to meet?" I probed; he certainly didn't seem thrilled about this revelation.

"Fuck no."

That hurt... I didn't want it to; he hadn't explained why so it was unfair to be upset by that... But it hurt none the less.

"You could have still told me there was someone!" Feliciano insisted, "Why didn't you even tell us?"

Lovi who, until now, had been glaring at his bed sheets looked to us, "I said I don't know! If you came here just to yak like this you can both leave!"

I blinked as Feliciano flinched, both of us made clear that he wasn't giving anything away.

"How about we take this elsewhere?" I spoke up, trying to catch the mood in the room before it fell to far, "This room is stifling right? Who wants to head back to the cafe?"

"Isn't it closed?" Feliciano asked.

I gave a little laugh and fished the keys out of my pocket, jangling them at him, "For the boss it's never closed."

Lovino gave an exaggerated sigh, "Why would I want to go from one  _dump_  to another?"

I froze for a second before slowly heading over and perching on the end of the bed. He looked like he was about to protest to me sitting there but I spoke first,

"Lovi... This is my cafe... My life." I couldn't help but feel like that comment was a little across the line, "You've not seen it, have you?"

He shook his head.

"It means a lot to me, I put of work into that place..." I tilted my head trying to get our eyes to meet, "Why don't you give it a try? Because that upset me a little, okay?"

He didn't have a retort to that. He just sat there, I doubt he expected me to take comments like that to heart, I usually didn't! But my cafe... Well, it was different.

"I want to shower first." He finally told me and my spirits lifted a little.

I grinned, "But just went swimming yesterday!"

"Yeah and I haven't washed since! I'm all sweaty." He pulled away the covers and got up... Oh my... I was surprised he was okay he was okay with Feli and I watching him wandering around in just a big sweater and grey boxers.

He grabbed clothes and a towel that had been dumped on the chair next to his bed. It was same Mickey Mouse towel from the day before, probably still damp, and reached amongst all the used tissues, paper cups, books, magazines, and bottles that covered the surface of his night stand completely and took a shampoo bottle. He dumped them inside his en suit bathroom before turning back to us.

"This door doesn't damn lock, so both of you ladies better not peek. I'll be listening for the door opening."

Feli laughed, "We would never peek! Have a nice shower!" He even gave Lovi a wave, but it was only met with Lovi rolling his eyes before shutting the door.

There was a quiet for a while, only the hum of the shower going.

Eventually, Feliciano took the seat next to the bed, "Don't think he never mentioned you to me is because he doesn't like you enough..."

That perked my attention, it had been my worry ever since I realised that Lovi hadn't told anyone about us, "I just thought the stuff we did together was exciting enough for him to tell people."

"Oh, no! It isn't that! It won't be!" Feli shook his head, "No, no! It's just Lovino... He does strange things. I don't know why he decided to keep this quiet from gramps and I, but it won't be that, I promise."

I nodded, deciding to accept this, I mean; Feli probably did know Lovi pretty well, right? "Thanks..."

Inching closer I noticed that Feliciano looked like a picture of curiosity. It was like I had a top secret! "So, Toni... What _are_  you guys doing together?"

I laughed lightly, "It's been crazy! I've been teaching you how to swim, planning to go on a hot air balloon ride with him... We're completing his bucket list." Oh... There it was, 'bucket list' that little reminded that Lovi was going to die. The very nature of what he and I were doing was because he was going to pass away. No question about it.

Feliciano nodded, "A bucket list, huh? I never even really thought he had one of those!"

I shrugged, "Well he seems pretty passionate about what's on there- swimming at least!" I thought back to him struggling in the pool and how frustrated it got him when he couldn't manage it. His reason for wanting to learn to... He convinced me then that this bucket list were things he really did want.

Feliciano nodded, "That makes sense! He always wanted to learn how to swim! Well... He never  _said_  so, but I always knew. He just didn't want Grandpa to know. Grandpa would try to make it happen, we all knew he would. Even though he couldn't afford it."

"He never insured Lovi's health..." I murmured, faintly remembering a conversation in which Lovino told me Feliciano told me he never go family visits because they were working.

Feli nodded, "It wasn't very good for any of us. But I work too now so we can eat, pay the bills... And we don't have sell stuff so much anymore!"

I smiled, glad to hear things were okay, but I had a feeling things were harder for Feliciano than he let on, "You don't just work at the cafe do you?" No way did his salary get him enough to pay for anything like that, not even close.

Feliciano's eyes widened and he drew back from me, "I... I" I don't think he expected me to figure that out somehow, and I had a feeling he thought I wouldn't like the idea that he was 'cheating' on his job with me, "The cafe is my main job, I promise!" He cried out, "I'll never slack off!"

"Hey, no, it's okay!" I stopped him before he got too flustered, "I'm not angry!"

He still looked anxious, "Are you sure? Please don't fire me! It's my only full time job!"

"I won't. You're a great waiter Feli, calm down." I watched as he started to look less restless, "But what else do you do?"

He sighed and closed his eyes as he went through his day, "From six until the cafe opens I work the early morning shift at a supermarket, then I go to the cafe and once that's done I usually work until ten at the movie theatre as a cleaner... On the days when the cafes closed I do extra time at the supermarket." He leaned back, "Grandpa is a high school janitor week days, he's a nightclub bouncer at night and on the weekend he's a sales assistant in day at a store that sells lawn mowers and a pizza delivery guy at night. But we both make sure we have days off that match so we can visit Lovino! I don't think he knows we have so many jobs... So keep it quiet okay? He'd only feel like a burden."

I nodded as he finished, I could imagine Lovi thinking that way, "It is a lot." I commented. I couldn't cope with that kind of schedule, but I guessed, when it was family on the line...

"Neither of us have a college education, and I'm a high school dropout so that's the kind of work we need to do." He gave me a small smile, "The theatre is closed today, I think it's being fitted with a new sound system or something."

I looked at the creases in the pillows that Lovi had made, he wasn't kidding when he said they worked a lot... Feliciano and his Grandpa strained themselves to the bone.

And here I was taking over a third more of the money Feliciano got because I was the boss!

"Feli, I—"

The door opened then, "You can stop making out or whatever, I'm back."

I stood up quickly, my previous train of thought gone, "You're done!"

He was just in a simple outfit, his hair wet and tousled as he threw the clothes he had on before and his towel onto the bed.

"Lovino, no!" Feliciano got to his feet and took the towel, "This is soaked! It'll stink if you don't hang it up to dry!"

Lovi sat on the bed to put on some shoes, "Leave it, I'll do it when I get back!"

Still, Lovi didn't complain as Feliciano wandered around the room, humming under his breath as he took the towel with him, looking for a place to hang it up.

That was cute! Lovi had a soft spot for his brother!

"There we are!" Feli called from the bathroom and we could hear the billowing of fabric as Feliciano straightened it out and hung it over the heater in the bathroom.

Without even a muttered complaint Lovi got up , "Then let's get going..." But then of course he had to add in some snark, just for good measure, "I don't know why the hell I'm doing this."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading as always! Please comment, okay?


	9. Breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SOooO SORRY FOR THE LACK OF UPDATE LAST WEEK!  
> I've just been so busy I never got round to it :'(

It was tranquil in the empty cafe. Lovi had put his phone in a cup for a kind of speaker so music could play as we listened to the storm outside.

"Who wants a drink?" I finally asked. We had been huddled around a table for the last ten minutes, recovering from only the two short walks to and out of the car. We were drenched! The rain had gotten more intense since the cafe closed twenty minutes before hand. But that was okay! It just made being in here even warmer, "I can't do coffee, the machine's already been cleaned up for the day."

"What you got?" Lovi's voice came from behind me as I opened the fridge and decided to cut us each a slice of carrot cake that was about to go stale if it didn't get eaten soon.

"Name something, I'll tell you if we've got it." I was actually yet to hear Lovi make comments about not liking this place. I felt a little triumphant, I had proved to him that this place wasn't the dump he thought it was gonna be, hadn't I?

"Herbal tea?"

"We've got peppermint!"

"Hit me with that."

"Feli?"

Feliciano's footsteps came from behind me, "I can make my own hot chocolate."

I put my hand on his arm as he started to reach for the sachets of hot chocolate powder, "No, no, it's fine, sit down! I can do it."

Feliciano just laughed lightly, "It's not like I don't know how to make them!"

I took shoulders and turned him around. He gave a little startled, "Huh?!" But I ushered him away,

"Go! I'm making myself one so it's no trouble, take a seat!" I laughed as I continued to push him all the way back to his chair and down onto it. Lovi watched us, his cheeks puffed out as he looked as us both.

Did he feel a little left out maybe? I gave him a small wave and he looked away from me before I headed back behind the counter.

Soon enough we were all sitting around the table, eating cake, sipping hot drinks, letting ourselves hide away from the bad weather and giving ourselves a break from our individual personal storms! All our worries, everything that bothered us... Well maybe not so much for the other two as both of them seemed set on telling me all the embarrassing stories he could about the other!

"Felicano only realised last week that MCR and My Chemical Romance were the same fucking band."

That one made me laugh, "Really Feli?" I asked him as Feliciano blushed next to me, "I don't listen to them and I got that!"

Feliciano put his face in his hands, "It's hard to realise these things..."

"MCR isn't even a weird nickname!" Lovi exclaimed, "It's an acronym!" He grabbed his phone, "'Tonio, look, I even have the fucking text he sent."

Feliciano gave an embarrassed little wail but I just winked at him and leaned in, letting myself take in the scent of Lovi's freshly washed hair as he scrolled through his messages.

Lovi smirked and cleared his throat, "At two minutes past eleven at night," He told me as if he had a whole audience, "I get a message that reads, 'Help! I was told to look up a band called MCR but when I google them, only My Chemical Romance comes up!'" Lovi read in dramatic voice before adding, "Scared face emoji."

"Oh dear, Feli!" I looked at the poor Italian as he cowered. I felt awful but with Lovi getting so over the top, I couldn't help but enjoy this!

"It fucking goes on!" Lovino looked like he was about to stand up with the sheer drama of this! "He then messages me again! 'Lovino, I can't find these guys anywhere, do you think this was a prank?'" And only after ten whole minutes of fucking googling MCR does he finally come to the conclusion, 'My Chemical Romance is MCR!' He explains to me with a billion fucking exclamation points and a totally inappropriate sassy dancing lady."

"I think she's pretty!"

I patted Feliciano hard on the back, "It's okay, Feli!" I assured him even if it was through laughter at his expense, "We all have our days, right?"

"W-Well!" Feliciano looked at his brother, "What about the time when you were thirteen and I walked in on you-"

"No!" Lovi did stand up, his protest so sudden and loud that it startled me, "No, no, no!" He continued, "You can't tell anyone that! You swore not to tell!"

"Tell me what?" I asked, bemused. What could have possibly gotten Lovi suddenly into such a state?

"That I wa-" Feli tried again, but, bless him, Lovino had lunged over and clamped his hand right over his brother's mouth.

"You swore not to say anything!" Lovi said again, this time through gritted teeth.

Feliciano pulled the hand away and frowned, "Ve? I thought I only swore not to tell Grandpa?"

"You tell no one!" Lovi insisted.

I laughed, "Tell me what though?"

"None of your business." Lovi hissed at me.

But it was just then that something out the window caught Feliciano's attention, "Huh!?" He hurried on over to the window, "Is that Ludwig!?"

I rose and followed, peering out into the rain. He was right, there was certainly someone there! And he looked a lot like Ludwig!

"We need to let him in! Look!" He pointed a finger towards the large blonde figure whose umbrella wasn't helping him even a little bit and looked wetter than I even thought possible! He even looked like he was about to be knocked over by the wind.

"Ludwig!" Feliciano called, already out the door and running out across the street to the other man.

I watched, keeping a look out as Feliciano ran at the blond.

"And who the hell is he going after?" Lovi asked, coming up beside me and gazing out as Feliciano grabbed Ludwig's arm before the guy could get too far,

"He's a customer of ours! He comes in everyday..." I nudged Lovi's side, "I think he comes to see Feli."

"Him?" Lovi's expression went sour, "He looks like a scary jerk. I bet he's a shady guy."

"What? No!" I smiled, "He's really nice!"

Lovi left the window, "Feli could do better."

"Ludwig looks intimidating, but he's sweet!" I followed Lovi back to the table, "Who do you think he should get?"

Lovi shrugged, "Someone nice... Sweet... Handsome, caring, fun, optimistic, strong, passionate, all that shit. That kind of all round perfect guy."

I sat down in Feliciano's seat, the one closest to him, "Is a perfect guy to you? He's all of that."

Lovi paused for a second, "Well he'll have to be damn good if he wants to stick around, especially given Feli's gonna fucking lose me."

It was then the door opened and Feliciano was back, pulling Ludwig in by the wrist, "We can't do a coffee, but there's tea and hot chocolate!"

Ludwig looked startled as he was pulled inside, I don't think he had been given much choice about being taken in here, "You don't have to do this." He told Feli for what was probably the third time.

Lovi's eyes narrowed and I could almost see the way he was assessing Ludwig, looking him up and down and then up and down again.

"What would you like?" Feliciano carried out, pulling out the fourth chair at our table.

Ludwig sighed in defeat, "Hot water, please."

Feliciano frowned, "Just hot water? Would you like tea?"

"No thank you, just hot water."

Slowly Feliciano nodded as if holding out to see if Ludwig would add anything, "Okay..." He finally said and got to pouring a mug of plain hot water... Feliciano was right; it was a weird thing to ask for, especially when this was the one chance to grab a free hot drink! But I sort of expected it from Ludwig.

"That's dumb."

Oh. Looks like Lovi also thought it was a little odd.

He carried on, his eyes locked onto Ludwig, "Why are you getting something so boring and plain? Are you trying to impress him or some shit?"

"Lovino, no!" Feliciano almost ran over, drink in hand, "Don't say that stuff!"

"I don't like him." Lovi told me, "He's German too, they're usually strange."

"Excuse me?" I don't think Ludwig expected to be taken in to face all this...

I laughed lightly, hoping to bring some peace, laughter and joy, "Lovi, don't be silly!"

Lovi snorted, having none of this, "He's the one being silly if he thinks he's gonna get Feli's ass."

Ludwig cleared his throat, "I think there is a misunderstanding."

"Uh-huh? Wanna fucking fight!?" Lovi suddenly stood up again.

" _Fratello_! Please!" Feliciano was on the verge of tears and Ludwig was looking to me for some understanding why things had suddenly kicked off! I was a little preoccupied with my best friend who seemed to be beyond the snappiness he ever was with me!

Lovi seemed to have no intention on stopping, "Don't just look at me like I'm an idiot, dammit! You know you want him! Everyone does!" He slammed both his fists on the table, "Isn't this fucking great!? I find out these two damn know each other now  _you_  show up, you asshole! You..."

"Lovino, stop it, you can't say this stuff!"

"I-I..." Lovi looked like he was trying to continue, but he was swaying on his feet a little... Was he okay?"

" _Fratello_!" Feliciano and lunged forward as Lovino suddenly toppled over.

Oh my goodness...

… I…

What? No…

Had he just fainted!?

All I could hear was my heartbeat in my ears. What was happening?

What was happening!?

I threw myself out of my chair, I had frozen, and the other two were down next to him. Lovino he...

He wasn't talking, moving, his eyes were wide open but he wasn't doing anything!

"I-I don't know!" Feli had been talking, "He's done this before, it's when he gets worked up, but I don't know what to do!"

"Lovino! Lovino!" Ludwig was calling his name but getting nothing back.

I peeked in past the other two and wished I hadn't. He was pale, it didn't look right. I was almost sick with worry, "Bring him to the back room!"

Feliciano swallowed and nodded, "Come on, Lovi, can you get up?"

But despite Feli urging him on, Lovi didn't have to stand; Ludwig just picked him up like there was nothing to him. I didn't like the way Lovi's relaxed hand hung there. His arm dangled, his fingers curled like his mind had forgotten about them, even his neck didn't want to support him.

"Antonio..." A choked murmur came from the bundle in Ludwig's arms, "I... Uh...!" He seemed to slowly fill back into his body. He was talking again... Thank goodness!

I held the door open for Ludwig, hurrying inside so I could pull out my office chair. This would be okay, right? It was padded and comfy... Ludwig set the small figure down on the seat, who now looked a lot tinier than usual.

I kneeled in front of Lovino, taking his chin to get him to look at me, "Lovi, look at me, okay? You fainted; do you understand where you are?"

Feliciano was suddenly next to me, taking his hand and patting it, "You're okay,  _fratello_!"

Lovi leaned forward, pushing his hair back, "What the hell happened?"

Feliciano shifted to sit on the floor, "You got too angry again..." Feliciano's lower lip started to tremble, "I tried to stop you!"

"Feliciano." The rumble of Ludwig's deeply accented voice floated over from the doorway.

I nudged Feliciano gently, "Go to him, I can look after Lovino."

Feliciano looked at me quickly before Lovi and back to me, he was scandalised, "Leave him!?"

I smiled gently, "I don't think he needs to see you get upset, I'll look after him, I promise."

I didn't need to do anymore convincing. Feliciano was up and gone, running to the other man in the doorway. They collided, Feli didn't slow down as he ran at Ludwig, but the only response Ludwig gave was wrapping him arms around Feli for a moment and closing his eyes before leaving the room and letting the door shut behind him.

I stood up and leaned against my desk just observing Lovi before he finally spoke,

"Where the heck am I?"

I smiled; glad to see his mind back in order, "My office! This is where I do my business-y stuff."

He looked over the desk in front of him, the closed laptop, the pen pot, the files stacked in one corner of the desk, the pin board with bank statements and receipts filling it, "It looks to neat to be yours." He concluded.

I laughed, mostly from relief; he was fine. He was  _fine_. He was even getting some colour back, "This stuff is too important to me to let it get messy."

He nodded, looking around the room, "Looks like boring shit."

I grinned, "It is!" I moved over to a corner of the room and grabbed the blanket I had there before going back to him and placing it over him.

"The fuck is this?" He held the pink blanket out, examining it.

"I thought you might be cold!" I paused before deciding to address what just happened, "You passed out."

He decided to accept the blanket! He wrapped it around him and snuggled down into its cosiness, "I know. It happens."

"Is it because..." I think we had all forgotten that Lovi was ill. He was weak even if he had the strongest will. I guess that's what they meant by having strong spirit.

He just nodded, "Five months and you won't have to deal with it."

"Lovi..."

"Well it's true!" He pulled the blankets tighter, "How could I even forget!? Every time I start to, my body gives up on me."

"I don't just 'put up' with anything." I told him seriously, "I don't want you ever to go."

"Our whole whatever this is, is fucking built on the fact I don't have any time left!" He was starting get animated again, "That's what I am right!? It's like you can pretend you're from the Make a Wish Foundation!"

"Please calm down!" I insisted, above denying all these ridiculous claims, his health came first, and he was putting it in danger again! What did I do if he fainted again? "That's not any of it! Lovi, do you think I just want to see you finish your bucket list so I could feel good about myself? No... No... Lovi, that isn't it at all." I tilted my head, giving him a gentle look, "There's more than that, and I think you know it." I sighed and look into his deep green eyes, "Why didn't you tell Feli about me?" I asked leaning towards him a little. "You didn't even say you were getting any other visitors... I thought you might have said something... We've been doing pretty exciting stuff, right?"

He cast his eyes aside," I just didn't."

I tried to read his expression, but it was no use. Lovi had a wall, once it was up, it was up.

"Don't you like doing all things? We went swimming; I'm taking you out partying! It's all the stuff you wanted to do... Didn't you want to even mention it?" I wanted to reach for him but was almost afraid to. I didn't want to push him away.

He didn't move. He didn't even blink as I hinted to how it hurt. Eventually he spoke in a quiet voice, "I didn't want you guys to meet."

I blinked, that seemed to go back a little to his reaction when he realised that Feli and I knew one another. He wanted it to be a hallucination. He was angry.

"Why?" I asked, because I just couldn't think why, "Isn't this good?"

"He'll steal you." He answered quickly. He knew that without even thinking. He had considered this before.

"Steal me?"

"Yeah." He pulled the blanket up around his shoulders, "Because you'll realise how shitty I am to be around, and he's just a better version of me, who works hard, speaks nicely, acts all cutesy and sweet." His voice was honest, like he believed what he was saying.

"Lovi, he's nothing like you!" They only looked similar! Aside from that, they were polar opposites!

"Then why does everyone always like him more?! Why was I always the one left out when the relatives came to visit? I'm second best! When Feli's around I've got no chance. You even saw it there; Ludwig was all over Feli. He loved him." He closed his eyes, "Everyone does. And if they all like him better why won't you?"

I shook my head slowly, even if he couldn't see it, "You're not second best." I murmured.

He opened his eyes again. I could see his bottom lashes were wet; he seemed to be getting so worked up… Over  _me._

"And I just make people hate me!" He sounded panicked and afraid, like he wanted to cry for help but couldn't, "I want them back but I'm stupid and say stupid stuff that pushes them away! Like calling your cafe a dump!" Now he was breaking down, his shoulders shaking. "I didn't mean it! This place is nice!"

"Lovi, Lovi, Lovi..." I tried to slow him down. This was such a strange experience. Like seeing him naked. He was beautiful and delicate.

It was amazing how much he hid that.

"Please don't leave me out for him! I don't wanna be alone anymore!"

I kneeled in front of his chair, "Listen, please…" I was quiet until his wet eyes met mine. Then I carried on in a soft tone,

"I work with Feli  _every day_ ; I have done for years before we even met! Visiting you is still the highlight of my day." I tried to emphasise every word I was saying; it needed to sink in! "Lovi, I think you've stolen me away from him!" I laughed to try and raise his spirits.  
"But you and him get on so well..." He smirked humourlessly, his old charm still there, "If you guys are both gay lords you'll probably elope and make a fucking love nest."

That really made me laugh, "No lovi! He's lovely..." I winked, "But I think he's taken."

Lovi raised a brow, "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

I grinned at him and gestured for him to get up and follow me as I crept to the door, "You wanna see something?"

He looked a little cynical, but still rose up, "What?"

I beckoned him as I pressed against the door, "Just come on over here!"

He did as I asked without much more protest and joined me.

"Take a look!" I stage whispered as I slowly opened the door and got him to peek out, placing a hand on his back.

I craned my head over his just to make sure that he was seeing the right thing.

He was. There they were... Feli and Ludwig, getting so close it was hard to imagine they hadn't been talking like that for years. I decided to show this to Lovi at the perfect moment... Feliciano had recovered from seeing his brother faint and was now messing around with Ludwig.

Ludwig still had his stony expression, but that wasn't fooling anyone! He had a small smile and ruffled Feli's hair affectionately. I swear Feli was playing up the whole cute and silly thing just for Ludwig!

"That bastard!" Lovi hissed before pulling back, thankfully he didn't decide to go after Ludwig; he just paced across the room and back, "Feli can do better than him. Way fucking better. He's my fucking brother!"

I chuckled, "I don't think he wants to do better, you should see those two every day! It's so cute!"

He rolled his eyes, "Gross."

I just smiled as I went to take the seat he left, "My point is; he's taken. You're my special one, Lovi. I think both of you guys are great, but I'm not leaving you alone- no matter who I meet. Not because I feel bad for you, but because you really matter to me."

I looked over at him. He had narrowed his eyes at me and tightened his fists, "You're such a fucking dumbass!" He jabbed a finger at me, talking through clenched teeth, "Someone's gonna stab you some day and you'll just smile at them until they feel so bad they stop!"

"That's a good thing, right?"

He snorted, "If you like a knife in your guts." He walked over to me, "Now move. That's my seat

"Hmm, you snooze, you lose"! I spun around in the chair once

He folded his arms, "Move or I'll sit on you."

"That's okay!" I even opened my arms for him, "I don't mind!"

He grumbled, "I'm not kidding!"

"I never said you were."

"Fine!" He turned around and sat right on me. I pulled him on a little further... There! Now we could both sit down.

He cleared his throat after a few seconds and shifted awkwardly, "'Tonio..."

"Hm?"

"This is the part where you're supposed to  _move_!"

I just put my arms around him to keep him there, "Why would I?"

He huffed, "I'm sitting on your lap! It's weird!"

I leaned back, "Well you're light! I don't mind it." I bounced my knee a little, "This is nice!"

"I'm not that light!" I couldn't feel him trying to press down on me, prove me wrong.

"Yeah you are!" I insisted, "When Ludwig was carrying you in here, he looked like he could throw you like a baseball!"

"That's fucking reassuring."

He made no moves to get off me and I tried my best to stay still under him.

"Lovi?" I finally said after a little bit of comfortable silence

"What?"

"You cry a lot." I informed him.

He clicked his tongue, "Not like I can help it! Shut the hell up!"

I just pulled him back to lean on me, "Okay."

He stayed there for forty minutes, neither of us attempted to talk. I preoccupied myself by looking at him, wondering what he was thinking and watching his head bob up and down in time with my steady breathing as he lay on my chest.

The next time he spoke, it almost took me by surprise, "Can't I just sleep here tonight?"

"In the cafe?"

I felt him nod.

"Do you want to get in trouble at hospital tomorrow?"

He let out a long, long sigh, "No."

I ran my fingers through his hair, "Then let me drive you back. Come on." I stretched my arms out.

He didn't move, "Carry me to the car."

"Carry you?"

"I thought I was light."

I gave a little laugh, "Then sure!"

He stood up quickly the moment I agreed, "I was  _kidding_. Let's go."

I smiled, "We'll come back here sometime."

He stood, looking around the pokey room and gave a long soft sigh, "We'd better."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thanks for reading and if you liked it don't forget to let me know! If you didn't like it don't forget to let me know! If you kinda liked it etc etc etc....


	10. Money, Money, Money

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double figures! Chapter ten already, how time has flown...

I thought a lot about our evening in the cafe, right through to Friday afternoon. I was full of conflicting emotions.

Lovi had fainted... That's something that got me. Every time I thought about it was like a punch in the gut. He would hate for me to think about him like I was... But he  _was_  weak. No positive thinking could change that... I touched my fingertips to my lips... Oh... I was still getting to know him and we were running out of time. He was like a frail old man.

Lovino was going to leave me.

I leaned forward on the counter and put my head in my hands. There was nothing I could do about it... I looked over to Feliciano.

There was another thing that I could help...

I called Arthur over, "Hey..." I tapped him on the shoulder in greeting; "You think you can man the place for a little while? I need to talk to Feliciano; I'm not sure how long it'll take. "

He looked over to me with a small frown, "I can do that... Is Feli in trouble?"

I smiled warmly and beckoned Feliciano over, "Oh no, this is just something we need to get figured out. Don't worry about it! We'll be back, call me if it gets too busy."

I smiled as Feliciano made his way over, he looked a little bewildered, but I guess I never hinted anything about talking to him.

"Ve? Toni'?" he bit his lower lip, clasping his hands together as he looked between Arthur and I.

"Come with me, Feli!" I kept cheery, "This won't take long!"

He followed me in silence into the back office. The chair was pulled out from the table. It was like that from when Lovi had sat on it together. Him on my lap. I hadn't touched it since. Even the blanket he had still lay strewn across the floor... I didn't want to touch it. Ever since the fainting incident I had become a little obsessed with traces of Lovino; I was scared of losing him and the feeling of hopelessness I had as the image of him slipping through my fingers made me want to keep all I could. I had even made a copy of our text conversations and backed them all up. Just so I knew those traces were still there, like a safety net. I had parts of him that weren't going to leave me.

So I didn't sit down, and I knew Feli was too agitated by this sudden meeting to try and take a seat either. We stood and let the particles of him sitting on me; conformable silence, rain outside and his soft cheek pressed to my chest remain.

"Toni'!" Feli snapped me out of my brief moment alone with my memory with a panicked cry out, "I'm sorry! I can fix it; I promise this job really matters! I don't know what I'd do without it!"

He looked like he might have carried on but I held up both my hands to stop him, "Woah, woah!" I laughed quietly, "Feli what do you think this is about? "

He looked at the floor, "You... Don't like me having more jobs?"

I smiled and sighed lightly, "Feli it's not that... Well in a way... "

The poor guy... Maybe I shouldn't have put it that way! He looked like he had seen a ghost!

"Its nothing bad!" I insisted, "I just... Well I know now about you working so much and I  _get_  that it's hard! But Lovi told me how little you guys get to see him, and I get you can't really help it! " I paused; it was time I got to the point, "But I still don't think it's  _fair_  to him. So I'm giving Saturdays off, starting tomorrow. You'll still be paid but don't come to work. There's some things I want you to do!"

Feli looked at me with eyes like saucers. He sure didn't expect this! "Toni'!" his immediate reaction was protest, "No! That's the busiest day!"

I reached out to put my hands on both of his shoulders, "I know, but it's also a good day to have free. You have to live! You can't work all the time! I want you to go out and have some fun. We can cope here."

He twisted his hands together, "I don't know... "

Why did he sound so unsure? I thought Feli would be ecstatic! This was paid leave every week...

"Listen," I was firm- he had to know that this was happening, he had no choice, "I'm not doing this for no reason. For at least an hour every Saturday I want you to go see Lovi. He needs you around more."

"Lovi?" Feli raised his brow, he had just clicked as to what this was about, "But Lovi's fine... We asked him; he says he's fine with the visits!"

Oh... My, had Lovi really said that? I felt a twinge as I thought of how Lovino hid his insecurities so much. He did it so well that I guess Feli really couldn't be blamed for thinking Lovi was okay,

"He's not fine." I said softly, "Feliciano, he might tell you he is but you don't see him the way I do. He loves you too much to make you worry, but he needs you more."

Feli didn't say anything; he just squeezed his hands into fists,

"I wish he'd tell us this stuff!" Feli finally cried and put his hands up to his face; "He even got all mad when we were suggested he was lonely!"

I smiled softly. He got it now, "Take the time off," I repeated, "Not for you, but for him. Okay?"

Feli nodded and launched himself at me, giving me a tight hug. I ruffled his hair. Saturdays might get a little more frantic with one man down, but I knew this was the right thing. It was like a weight had been lifted.

"I'm also swapping our salaries." I mentioned as he finally let go. There, that was the next thing. Almost as soon as I realised I was controlling the income of the one who struggled so much to pay hospital bills I knew I needed to do this. It was only right considering our lifestyles!

He seemed almost more dumbstruck by this than he was by my first offer, "But you make almost double what I do!" he cried.

"Exactly!" I laughed, "And I don't  _need_  it! You do!" I grinned and nudged him, "There's no point in refusing- it's happening! We both know you need it. I don't care what you do with the money- you quit one job, or your grandpa does, or both of you just take more time off, just use it to help yourselves."

Even Feli didn't try to get out of this! "Thank you!" he seemed to squeeze himself tight, delirious with delight, "Thank you so much!" he gasped, "Can I call grandpa?"

I chuckled, but I was secretly bubbling with how glad I was to see him like this, like a miracle had just happened. And I guess it was a miracle! A miracle that I was able to do this. Something so easy for me could do so much!

"Sure thing. I'll be in the cafe again, join me when you're all done!"

Feli whipped out his battered phone and started to look through his contacts. I gave him a wink as I passed.

Arthur looked like he had been on his toes but not overwhelmed while I was gone. I gave him a wave as I entered back into the buzz of the cafe and he nodded as he took two lattes to a table. I followed him with my eyes; just enough to catch the sight of Ludwig walk through the door. I noticed how he immediately scanned the room; he was looking for Feli... What a shame! Feli was still in the phone! As if on cue I heard a loud happy laugh come from somewhere behind me in the hall en route to the office. I grabbed a pad; at least I knew Ludwig and his reason for being here. I could explain Feli's absence!

Recently, Feliciano hadn't even carried a pad to Ludwig's table; he knew the huge man's order.

"Hey there, Ludwig!" I greeted him.

He looked up to me, startled by the unfamiliar voice, "Antonio? Where..." he looked around, "Is Feliciano sick today?"

I smiled and shook my head, "he's taking a phone call; he'll serve you once he's done."

He nodded solemnly, "That's... Good." he made a sound of relief, "He's okay after the incident?"

He sounded so serious it caught me right off guard! Incident? Had something awful happened and Feli didn't say?

... "Oh that!" I finally exclaimed out after a few moments of staring at him. He was talking about when Lovi fainted. Of course he'd be thinking about that, all of us were scared. I wasn't sure of how much Ludwig knew, but he saw how Lovino just tumbled to the floor. "He's okay now. "So's Lovino. Feliciano is just away in the back."

"Okay. Yes, thank you..." He sat back, "I'd like a black coffee and brown bread with butter."

I furrowed my brow... That wasn't on our menu. We could make it I guess, but most food here came ready made!

But this was Ludwig's regular, right? Feliciano had always served him before so I never really got to know what Ludwig had here. I guessed that it won't be hard to butter bread, but Feliciano had just done that extra work from the start every day!

"Feli should get that to you. " I murmured as I noted down the rogue order, "It was nice seeing you the other night!" I waved before starting to back away from him.

He suddenly stopped me, "Wait!" I froze before looking over to him expectantly.

His cool, sharp eyes met mine and he cleared his throat, "It is not as if I have reason to believe otherwise... But would you happen to know if Feliciano is... Ehem... Single?"

I looked at him in surprise. Did he really just say that? Goodness... Did he plan to make a move?!

"He's single!" I informed with probably a little too much enthusiasm, "Yes he's very single... And I think he'd be really glad to  _change_  that!"

Okay, so that may have been a white lie. In fact, Feli often told me he was too busy to get any kind of romance... But now he had more time! He got Saturdays off and I was willing to bet Feli would  _never_  decline a date with Ludwig. Those two were obsessed with each other! Ludwig just needed to hurry up and make a move!

Pink flushed to the usually composed man's cheeks, "I-I see. Thank you." He looked down again.

I just grinned and left him to his thoughts.

**.oO0Oo.**

I didn't get home until late. It was crazy; a cupboard door came off so I had to stick around to fix it after the others had left to fix it and it really took a lot longer than I thought it would! I still got the job done and I had a working cupboard once more. It made coming home even better too.

It was already nine when I looked for dinner ideas... I should have gone shopping; I didn't have much.

I was just examining some rice when I heard the buzzing of vibration in the living room; I wandered without hurry to pick up the phone, glancing at the caller id.

Lovi was calling?

I was surprised; Lovi and I almost never called each other. Texting was just easier! Even when phone calls were used, I was always the one who started them.

I answered quickly before I missed it and tried not to sound confused, "Lovi? Hello?"

"Antonio." came the simple greeting.

I frowned. This was odd... I hadn't asked him to ring me had I? There was nothing I was supposed to do with him right now...

Thankfully, he carried on, "I heard about what you did for Feli."

There was a moment of nothing. "Oh... " I whispered. Before sitting on the couch, "I would have done it sooner if I knew the situation." I told him. I actually had no idea how he felt about this. He didn't sound angry but he was so  _serious._

I heard his breathing in the other end of the line, "No one's ever done something like that for me before. "

"Like what?" Was he okay? Lovi was so calm; I couldn't figure it out.

"He told me you gave him the day off so he could visit me. I hadn't even told him I was lonely." He hesitated, "You didn't have to. You could have left it."

I smiled, "Not really, not without feeling awful."

Another long pause. What was he thinking?

"Hey, will you come up here?"

"To the hospital?"

"Yeah. I want to see you."

I laughed lightly, but I actually had a feeling he wasn't kidding, "Lovi, visiting hours are over, I can't!"

"The security isn't exactly tight, no one will see you."

I bit my lip; it was getting late, "I'm not sure about this..."

He made an irritated noise, "The first time we met was after hours and you were wandering around there by accident!"

He did have a point.

But if I got caught who knows what might happen! What if they stopped me from seeing him?

"Beginners luck?" I tried.

He didn't find that very funny, "'Tonio. Please."

And I knew I could help myself after that. He would never plead unless desperate. He really wanted me there. Was it to talk about what I did for Feli? Was it to tell me he was part horse? I had no idea. But when he needed me trying to resist him just wouldn't work. My whole life had become about this kid.

I wasn't complaining.

"Can I make dinner first?"

"Just be quick." was all he said before the line went dead.

**.oO0Oo.**

Sure enough only half an hour later I was back in the car, half the risotto I made was still warm in a container in the passenger seat.

I tried to act natural as I moved through reception and up through the wards, I even took the stairs instead of the elevator, figuring I'd be less likely to run into people. But Lovi was right, no one tried to stop me and no sirens went off as I started to head down the corridor of the ward I'd

become so familiar with.

As I approached his ajar door I slowed. What if there was a nurse in there with him or something?

I stopped, listening for voices, but it was just silent. The coast was clear.

"Lovi?" I asked, pushing the door open just enough for me to slip through.

"Tonio?'" Was the small response I got. I closed the door behind me for once, not wanting to take any chances and end up caught.

The moment the door was shut I got why he liked to have it open. The room seemed to shrink and close in around us- it was stifling, if possible I felt even more trapped in here than before.

"Took you fucking long enough." He muttered as I made my way over to him, "I started to think you weren't coming."

I smiled at him as I pulled out the chair and sat, "I needed to get dinner." I held out the tub to him, "Here! It's risotto."

He gave me a look of disdain, "Great. Why the hell are you showing me?"

I laughed, "It's for you! I accidently made extra so I thought hey! Lovi can have it!"

Actually, that was a lie. It was no accident I made enough for us both, I knew I'd bring some to him, but if I straight up told him that he'd probably get all embarrassed and flustered and tell me to shove it somewhere weird.

He was funny that way.

He took the tub from me and peered inside, "I don't have anything to eat it with."

"Here." I produced a fork from my back pocket and offered it to him. He took it with a small sigh and opened the box,

"Gross." He held the fork between two fingers, "This is still warm from your ass." He wrinkled his nose but still dug in as I watched, readying myself for a reaction.

He took a few mouthfuls before he spoke again, "Fuck. This is pretty damn good."

I breathed out relieved to see him enjoying it before noticing he had a stray grain of rice at the corner of his mouth.

"Wait a sec…" I touched his arm to slow him and got him to look at me, "You got a little…" I trailed off as I reached out and wiped the side of his mouth with me index finger. He was soft as I cleaned his mouth before offering the grain to his pink lips. There was a little trepidation in his eyes before he quickly licked my fingertip clean. It made me tense up; he was so warm. His eyes met mine then. Those amazing forest green irises only illuminated by the orange glow of his bedside lamp.

"You were right about getting in here!" I said as I drew back and he got back to eating.

"Well there's kinda fuck all to protect here. It's like, what are you gonna do? Kill us? Because I got fucking news for you, pal."

I grinned, despite how morbid his joke was. I was just glad to him normal after his out of character phone call.

There was more silence. I had noticed how quiet moments like these were getting more common between Lovi and I, and I had been feeling less of an urge to break them.

I guess we were just comfortable like this; we didn't need words so much anymore.

That made me pretty happy.

He only finished half his risotto before he said he was full. I wanted to encourage him to keep going but decided against it, he had had a decent amount, and I was enjoying this peace. I didn't want him to get angry. I took the tub and leaned down to place it next to my chair.

By the time I sat back up again, Lovi was leaning forward in bed. He was patting the space in from of him.

He wanted me to sit on the bed? But he never asked for that! If anything he was always telling me to get  _off_  the bed!

I didn't ask about it- I was worried the wording of my question would make him change his mind, but I'm pretty sure he knew how eager I was. I leapt onto the bed and sat where he had been gesturing to with a speed that, judging by the look on his face, he didn't think was humanly possible!

"Chill out. You look like you need to shit." He bit out at me before shuffling under the covers and bringing out his bare legs, placing them over me.

I was surprised but made sure he didn't think it was unwelcome. I gave a content sigh and started to trace patterns on the silky skin of his ankles.

"I really wanted to see you tonight"

I glanced over to him, "Yeah… You mentioned in your call."

"You gave my brother that day off for me."

"I did."

"You swapped your salary for a waiters for my family."

"I did, that's right."

"No one's ever done that sort of thing for me before."

I paused in tracing patterns on his skin to give him a longer look, "What do you mean?"

His answer was short and clear, "You made me feel special."

He was staring out the window, watching the dark clouds drift over the twilight skyline.

"You are special."

He carried on, "You didn't need to do that for me, you'll be a worker down on a busy day and lose a hell of a lot of money. How much less will it be?"

I shrugged, "I've not really been thinking about that… Lovi, let's not think about this in numbers, huh?"

"Too bad, right now my family works in numbers. How much less? Half? A third?"

"I-I don't know!" I stammered, "You didn't need to think about it!"

"How much?"

"I've not worked it all out!"

"It's a lot right? Otherwise Feliciano wouldn't have been fucking hyperventilating earlier. And fuck you, fuck me, fuck everything! You finally made me feel worth something!"

"I don't want  _money_  to make you feel like that! Stop thinking yourself as worth how much less money I'll bring in!"

"I'm not!" In a burst of frustration he kicked me in the chest, "I'm thinking of the sacrifice you made!" He gave an exasperated sigh, "Any jackass can say I'm important. It takes a  _real_ jackass like you to actually make a change to your life for me. You went and did that. That's what's getting me."

Wow… Saying all this… This just wasn't like him! He must have really felt something.

"You should know how much you really matter."

He lay back, "I've never felt like this before."

I stretched and looked over his relaxed form, "It would have been wrong of me to let things stay how they were. You remember how much I didn't like how little you saw family."

I noticed a novel expression on his lips, a small smile played on his lips and there was pink hue to his cheeks,

"You listened to me." He said quietly.

"Hm?"

"When I said I didn't want to be alone."

"No one wants to be alone." I assured him.

He gritted his teeth and gave me another biff to the chest with his foot, "Why are you so fucking nice?! It makes me so mad!"

I laughed and caught his ankle before he could kick me again, "I just like you!" I insisted, "I want to be nice to you Lovi!"

"Not like I deserve it."

"Don't be silly."

"All I do to you is be mean and get pissy."

I shuffled closer to him, "True… But you're also smart, funny, sweet, and insecure." I reached out to tuck his hair behind his ear, "And pretty endearing."

"I'm still lucky to know you."

"I'll give you that one! But only because I'm lucky too!"

He snorted, "Whatever the fuck you say. Thanks a lot for totally blowing my act with Feliciano and Grandpa."

"Act?"

He rolled his eyes, "Idiot, I worked so damn hard to cover up how lonely I was and you freaking ruined it in a passing comment!"

My eyes widened- he was right! I did do that!

"Sorry!" I gasped out, "If I didn't I would have never convinced Feli to take that Saturday!"

He rattled on, "Now I have to deal with sad serious phone calls like 'why didn't you tell us?' and all that crap!"

"But even if you did tell them they couldn't have fixed it!"

"Exactly!" He threw his hands up, "They'd worry their dumb asses off but couldn't have actually done anything!"

I ran my fingers through his hair, "Gosh… I get why you never sad anything." I moved my hand to scratch the back of my neck. I really did screw that up for him, "Ah… I'm sorry."

He shrugged, "Least your reason was half decent. I did get to tell them that I'd be okay now with the extra visits and stuff."

"And will you be?"

He seemed to think about this for a few seconds, "It'll be different." He concluded, "But..." He seemed momentarily bewildered, "Ever since you've been around it's been better anyway."

I'm not sure why but that made me feel warm, "We do see each other every day!" I pointed out, "Or even more! This is the second time we've seen each other in just 24 hours!"

"Yeah, yeah, and it means I can't sleep naked anymore so fuck you."

I frowned, "Why not? You still could."

He seemed very offended by this suggestion and even covered himself like he had breasts, "You trying you see me naked! You pervert! What the hell?!"

"Huh?" This was another of his explosive reactions! "No, you could just get dressed before I showed!"

"Not gonna happen until you learn to not come at a different time every morning. Jeeze, 'Tonio, keep it in your pants."

I shrugged, unaffected by any of his accusations, "Lovi, I'm Spanish."

"And?"

"That means I see naked guys all the time!"

He looked at me cynically… Didn't he trust my word?

"I'm gonna say that's not true unless the Spanish have a messed up porn obsession that I don't know about."

I laughed loudly, choosing not to answer any questions that may have come with that statement.

"Well what about nurses?" I asked, "They could come in at anytime too!"

" _They_  have probably seen naked wrinkly old men and other gross shit, so unlike you they wouldn't think it was a big deal."

I tried to push back thoughts about how anyone who saw Lovi's naked body would think it was a huge deal.

Instead I just tilted my head, "Not like I'd be made if I saw anything."

He barked a laugh, "Nice try, gaylord. I've seen enough of you; piss off"

I frowned, "You want me to go?"

"I sure as hell don't want you to start a cow farm in here."

I laughed as I nudged his legs off of me, "You're so funny Lovi!" I stood up and stretched.

"Whatever, just get your damn risotto and get out of here."

I reached down to grab my tub and yawned, "Fine, fine… I'll see you tomorrow!" I reminded him and headed for the door.

Before I could even take two steps the back of my shirt was caught, I looked over my shoulder…

Lovi was clinging on to me.

"Thank you again." He said meekly, "For what you did."

I put my hand over his,

"Don't worry about it."

It wasn't until I was sitting in the car, gazing up at my house in silence did I, putting my head in may hand, realise I had managed to do something that I never should have let happen.

I was falling in love with Lovino Vargas

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks again for reading, stick around, okay? See you next week with chapter two, but if you want more check out my FF.net account, I've got plenty more to keep you entertained (yay for shameless self promo).  
> Please comment!


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